Hi Everyone -

First, let me thank all of you who answered my question; my daughter-in-law and I ended up sending for some children's books that prepared us well.

She and I sat down with the boys Monday morning; we were nervous but this is basically what we said:

"Remember when you first asked questions about your Daddy's death, we didn't tell you much? That was because we weren't sure what to say. But we have read some books and now we are ready to tell you.

Sometimes a person's body gets sick and it doesn't work right. Other times, a person's mind gets sick and it doesn't work right. Remember when we told you your Daddy died of a mental illness? - his mind wasn't working right and he didn't see his life clearly. He thought the only way to solve his problems was to end his life early. Have you heard the word - suicide? (they answered no). That word means not being in your right mind and then taking your own life. It is no one's fault - not you, nor your Mommy, Grandpa or me (I'm the Grandma), Uncle Will or Uncle Nick. We don't understand how he could do this. But we know he loved us very much. And if his mind had been working right, he would not have done this to himself.

It is ok to be angry at your Daddy for doing this. We got angry at him too. It is ok to feel sad because we miss him. It is good to cry - it means we still love him. We want you to know that we will not do what your Daddy did - we will not leave you like that, no matter how sad or upset we are. We are still a family and we will always be one. We can keep his memory alive in our hearts - we can laugh and love him for the rest of our lives. If you have any questions at all, you can come to us anytime and we will answer them truthfully".

My young grandsons didn't have any questions right then. But the 8 year old saw a program on "suicide bombers" later in the day and he relayed it to us. So we know he has a good grasp of his Daddy's death. The younger grandson hasn't said much except to express sorrow - he misses his Daddy. He has also regressed and is clingy & whines - but we know this is what children his age do. We hold, kiss, and talk to them all the time to reassure them we will be there for them. And we are trying to keep our normal lives going for them. The boys gave us hugs and resumed playing when we were done.

When my grandsons do ask us how their Daddy died, we will tell them "from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head". We are trying to make them feel like it is what it is and we are coping with our new life without him. We are strong, we cry and are sad; we talk about their Daddy (my son), and we share stories.

I am starting a memory book about him (I did this when my other son died at age 15 - his friends, our friends, family and anyone who wanted to, contributed. And we now have that to look upon and be reminded what a wonderful person he was and how many people loved him), so the memories are coming in daily. I want the boys to know how their Daddy touched so many lives. And how much he loved them. I will also do shadow boxes with items that mean something to each boy. (I did that when my other son died because my youngest sons were only 9 and 7 at that time.)

We gave my notes to family and friends so they know how we told the boys. And they will feel comfortable answering questions asked.

Anyway, that is a big weight off our shoulders - we breathed a sigh of relief. We no longer have to whisper whenever we say the word "suicide"; we are talking openly and honestly about it. We no longer have to worry about them hearing it from somewhere else first.The boys know now they will be included in the family discussions and we won't keep anything from them They gave us hugs and resumed their playing after we told them. One hurdle over with...