Today my older brother stopped over to help me with some computer stuff and while he was here he downloaded a Christmas video he put together from a couple of years ago of his family and my Mom. All I could do as I watched it was cry and cry and cry....I was sobbing by the time it was done. He said if I knew it was going to make you feel so bad I wouldn't even have shown it to you. But he doesn't understand at all....it was so wonderful to see my sweet mom...alive and well and happy ....yet at the same time it was a stark reminder that this Christmas will be so sad for me without her...she was the center of all of our celebrations and now I just wish it were done and over with. I miss her so much...and it doesn't get any easier. For my brother, his way of dealing with things is to just push them off and really not deal with them and I suppose I suffer too much and can't seem to shake the pain of the loss.
Miss you Mama.
Miss you Mama.
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