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I don't recall if I posted about this. A family member who was as close as a sister to me (although much different in age) said something very insulting/untrue to me about Mom 3 1/2 weeks after Mom passed. She left one voicemail message a few days later, which I did not answer.
Last night, I decided to call her. We used to talk several times a day, which stopped after that last conversation. Now I was very hurt at her insulting Mom - and so unjustly. I wanted an apology. I got none. I didn't ask. I waited. (maybe that's my mistake?) But she turned the tables saying how many times she'd called, and I "didn't pick up" the phone. (If I was out, how could I? Why didn't she leave another voicemail?) I had no idea she'd called multiple times and said so. (The first time I was too angry to return her call. It was too fresh. After that, it seemed that she had stopped calling.)
Last night, the conversation was not comfortable. This morning, I'm angry - no, I'm in a really bad mood - that I didn't get an apology - and angry with myself for not demanding it. Her insulting Mom, hurt me.
She ended the conversation with "Keep in touch." and "Love".
Is there an answer to this? Should I stand up and demand an apology? Or will this exacerbate feelings? Sorry if this seems small, but I needed to talk about this - I'm feeling very alone on this issue and missing my Mom more than ever.
Last night, I decided to call her. We used to talk several times a day, which stopped after that last conversation. Now I was very hurt at her insulting Mom - and so unjustly. I wanted an apology. I got none. I didn't ask. I waited. (maybe that's my mistake?) But she turned the tables saying how many times she'd called, and I "didn't pick up" the phone. (If I was out, how could I? Why didn't she leave another voicemail?) I had no idea she'd called multiple times and said so. (The first time I was too angry to return her call. It was too fresh. After that, it seemed that she had stopped calling.)
Last night, the conversation was not comfortable. This morning, I'm angry - no, I'm in a really bad mood - that I didn't get an apology - and angry with myself for not demanding it. Her insulting Mom, hurt me.
She ended the conversation with "Keep in touch." and "Love".
Is there an answer to this? Should I stand up and demand an apology? Or will this exacerbate feelings? Sorry if this seems small, but I needed to talk about this - I'm feeling very alone on this issue and missing my Mom more than ever.
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
There are certain things you just dont do, and disrespect for the dead is one of them.
As for should you have demanded an apology i wouldnt, if she means to apologise then she would have done so off her own back not after being asked, and i hate being apologized too just because people feel they have too if that makes sense.
I would call her again and tell her how much her words hurt you, tell her exactly how it made you feel without shouting or getting angry, just tell her.
Anyone truly close to you would not say anything to hurt you at a time like this, maybe she just didnt realise it would upset you?
Good luck.
I would remind your friend of what she said and how it made you feel. During times of grief misunderstandings can happen so easily. I'm not trying to say that's what happened here, just a possibility. Sounds like this friend was so close, you need to share your feelings completely and openly with her. Get back to that relationship you used to have if you can. If I've learned anything it's that family and friends are more important than anything else. God bless and I hope you can work it out.
Good to share what's bothering you. This alone is a solution in itself.I would like to say it will be good if you let her know exactly how you are hurting about those things she's said about your mum. Do not hesitate to do that. And if she feels sorry and apologise, find it in your heart to forgive her. But on the other hand if she refuse to see anything wrong with what she's said just let go and let God take over don't try to do anything with your strength.I pray God's grace will be sufficient for to put this behind you. My prayer is with you God bless you.
I would not ask for one... IMHO if it isn't freely given, it's valueless.
I would try to explain to your friend how much her words hurt you in a calm manner.