Hi, My name is Don, and I am new here. On April 10, 2008 I lost my Mother. I am filled with so much regret as in 2002 after a trip to Jamaica I had hurt my back and became addicted to prescription painkillers. I was married to an absolutely incredible woman who left me in april 2007 along with my daughter of 8 years. Last June I finally decided to get some help with my addiction and entered rehab. I nearly lost my life as because an anxiety disorder that I had had since my freshman year in college (will be 40 in June) caused me to be also addicted to the prescription drug xanax. (withdrawal from xanax can and did bring on grand mal seizures and i was comatose for four days last July) I relapsed so many times last year, with the xanax or its equivalents as I could not stop shaking could not sleep and just plain felt like I was going to jump out of my skin . My mother took me in as I basically had no where to go (she was like that with ALL of her children). My unkindness (the snapping, the just generally foul mood over the loss of so many things in my life)over the last year that I lived with her ;I truly believe caused her to become deeply saddened and basically lose the will to go on. Now I am staring at the wake of my acts and choices in life and I just do not know if I can go on. I had always asked during the last 15 or some years that I wish I could "just be left alone'. Be careful what you wish for because you WILL get it. My brothers and sister feel searing hatred towards me and I cannot say as i blame them. I took a woman of such honor and dishonored her so much in the years before her death and always said that I would make it up to her. Well, I never did, and really never could. Mom I am so very sorry. I am taking the focus of of her. Forgive me as i am still so selfish and am really trying to compose this with the absolute truth. She lived a little over 76 years and the one word that I kept hearing at the funeral home and cemetery along with all of the sympathy cards and all the favors that were given to our family was how "kind" my mother was. I miss her now in death as I should have noticed her in life. I took her so for granted. Fast forward to last week. I was starting a new job after over a year out of a very successful career because of my own self-inflicted disability last Thursday, only to find her at eternal rest as I went to say "goodbye" for the day. Mom, you were so very special and shall I say it but so incredibly "KIND" God bless you my dearest mother. May you rest in peace forever.
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