My medicine Klonipin has got me so tired and yawning all day long that I think I am going to have to tell my APRN that does my medications to adjust it. I am nervous about my one to one counseling appointment tommorrow at 1030am. l know how vulnerable I feel right now and I know that I'm going to have to start letting go of my trauma and abuse history because it was one of the reasons why I used drugs. All that keeps going through my head is my bruised thighs and having to go into the Emergency Room. Also, my mom's death is just running over and over in my mind like I could have done something. It's been about 10 years yet I still can't get through it. I mean, her body was purple and i had to administer CPR and trying to call 911 at the same time. I was talking to a minister last night and I just want to throw my self on the altar and begin to weep. I don't know how to handle all these terrible flashbacks. One thing I am learning is that it is okay to cry when I feel sad. I've been holding back for so long.
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