I never had a chance to say goodbye to my godsister. I was so caught up in my own feelings. I was still holding on to a grudge I had against her from the years prior that made us fall out. I didnt get a chance to bring closure so I suffer day to day wondering if she would have fogiven me or that she knows I am sorry for not listening to her and giving up on our friendship. I lost a good friend because I was stubborn and selfish. Her murder has haunted me every since she died. This is my first time speaking of this so I am emotional to say the least. My mom rekindled our torn relationship by one day popping up with her at my door. I had not seen her in years. The years had not been kind to her either. She had been strung out on drugs and was in an abusive relationship. My mom left and we talked but about what was going on now and not the circumstances of our fall out. She explained she really was trying to leave her abusive boyfriend and get life back on track. I offered her to stay with me and my son. On the condition she did not let her boyfriend know where she stayed and that she not have any contact with him. Well at first the couple of weeks went by without a hitch but then I came home one day and he was there. I flipped out and told her she had to leave. She had been watching my son that day and I was pissed that she would have this person that had abused and beaten her anywhere near my child and the fact that she ignored my rules. She cried and told me to just listen but I wouldnt. I didnt care what she had to say. She left and I never heard from her again. A few days later my mom called and asked how was I taking the news. I asked what was she talking about. My mom told me that my godsister had been murdered two days ago. The night after I put her out. I screamed and cried for what seemed like an eternity. I went to the funeral and lost it. I was in such an emotional state that her mom came over to me and comforted me because of how distraught I was. She told me it was not my fault and to stop blaming myself. It felt good to hear but I still have never forgiven myself. What if I didnt put her out would she died? Did she blame me for her circumstance. For weeks after I wouldnt stay in the apartment she shared with me.How do I ever forgive myself for putting her out?
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