I found sending the below to those close to me, when they called, I could just text back... In the void at the moment.
AARP magazine recently had this article by Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant. The following is an excerpt from there. I think I am finally moving slowly out of "the void", or maybe just bouncing in and out of it, and, unfortunately, many of you will be able to identify with it.
"I was in 'the void'; a vast emptiness that fills your heart and lungs, and restricts your ability to think or even breathe.
Grief is a demanding companion. In those early days and weeks and months, it was always there. Simmering, lingering, festering. Then, like a wave, it would rise up and pulse through me, as if it were going to tear my heart right out of my body. In those moments, I felt like I couldn't bear the pain for one more minute, much less one more hour."
What's the point in living anymore. I get worried about up-swings and about down-swings. I get worried about up-swings because they bring the dissociation and I worry about the down-swings because they bring the depression and suicidal thoughts. I never am "good", I'm always just "OK". I know that even people without depression have ups and downs but I still hate it. I just want to spend a few...
I just feel so numb and light headed all of the time. I hate myself so much and everything about me. I hate that I’m overweight, and that I’m attracted to women and can’t just be normal, i hate that I’m lame and boring and a coward. I tend to use drugs to block out the thoughts and wall myself off in this little fantasy world. I’m also just sick of time just passing and passing and I...