
Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.

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I posted a topic about 4 months ago relating to my fiance's mother. A few of you replied and I thank you, you helped me to see things from a different perspective, which in turn helped us. We were in Cambodia where my fiance teaches, in September. I had been there 2 weeks when I received the unbelievable news that my dear Dad passed away suddenly. So now we've lost his Mum and then 4 months later my Dad. I'm devastated. The hospital fucked up and did tests on him without his consent and its just the biggest mess I've ever been in. My fiance is in Cambodia, I'm in Melbourne, Australia and I don't think this could get any worse. He's been lying to me, only little white lies that I only found out about because I had to come back...long story.. but I'm trying to be strong and not let paranoid thoughts take over my brain, because I'm in the hard place right now and I don't need to make it any more difficult than it already is. Can anyone just talk to me about what I'm going through and how do I learn to trust him again, how do I stop myself from thinking that he's going to cheat on me while I'm away, he's not very good with communicating, didn't want to come back for Christmas because he doesn't want to sit around being miserable with his family( his words ), he's not being there for me like I was for him..well he is but its so half hearted and occasional,the phone system in Cambodia is shit.. and through all of this I have to remember that he's lost his Mum too.. All he seems committed to is work. I'm planning on going back but I'm so scared. I'm so so scared. I miss my Dad so much and nothing, no amount of money from the hospital is going to bring him back..Please help me
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Losing your dad is bad enough... knowing that someone killed him is impossibly hard.
Your partner sounds like he is suffering emotional trauma and I'm sure that under better circumstances, he is a supportive and wonderful man.
People tend to reevaluate every aspect of their lives when they lose someone close to them. It makes them really aware of their own limited time on this planet.
They start thinking that they aren't living life to its fullest - that they need to change everything in order to be happier - that they need to "start over" to get things right.
But then, after the shock of their loss becomes easier to deal with, they usually settle down, realize their life is wonderful just the way it is and work on strengthening their stable relationship.
It's just bad timing that your losses were so close to each other. It's tough to support someone else when you are grieving your own father. And it's tough on your partner as well. He can think only of his loss - even he WANTS to think of you. He is consumed with grief.
I don't know what to say about his infidelity... if it exists.
He is throwing himself into his work as a form of therapy... to avoid facing the harsh reality of the two recent deaths. That is common.
Of course you are scared. Your life has taken a serious hit. School might be good.. it could take your mind off things a bit.
Nothing will ever stop you from missing your dad. I am glad you had a good relationship with him and that you cared so much. He was lucky to have you for a daughter.
Love,
Jo :)
Your boyfriend may not want to show his grief, men were always raised to "be tough, be strong." so he may not know what to do with his feelings. Maybe he is not being so supportive of you for fear that his own grief will come out and he doesn't want that.
As far as the lying is concerned, I don't know what to tell you about that. A strong relationship must be built on strust, and it sounds as though yours has been shaken. I guess for now, you'll just have to try to protect your heart from getting any closer to him, and watchhim, and what happens. If you catch what you think is a lie, confront him, but in a gentle way, with concern for your relationship. (Meaning don't attack or fight with him over it). Whether or not you two stay together, will be up to you, trust wise and him honesty wise.
Huggs,
Rainbow