I am so sorry.

Losing your dad is bad enough... knowing that someone killed him is impossibly hard.

Your partner sounds like he is suffering emotional trauma and I'm sure that under better circumstances, he is a supportive and wonderful man.

People tend to reevaluate every aspect of their lives when they lose someone close to them. It makes them really aware of their own limited time on this planet.

They start thinking that they aren't living life to its fullest - that they need to change everything in order to be happier - that they need to "start over" to get things right.

But then, after the shock of their loss becomes easier to deal with, they usually settle down, realize their life is wonderful just the way it is and work on strengthening their stable relationship.

It's just bad timing that your losses were so close to each other. It's tough to support someone else when you are grieving your own father. And it's tough on your partner as well. He can think only of his loss - even he WANTS to think of you. He is consumed with grief.

I don't know what to say about his infidelity... if it exists.

He is throwing himself into his work as a form of therapy... to avoid facing the harsh reality of the two recent deaths. That is common.

Of course you are scared. Your life has taken a serious hit. School might be good.. it could take your mind off things a bit.

Nothing will ever stop you from missing your dad. I am glad you had a good relationship with him and that you cared so much. He was lucky to have you for a daughter.

Love,
Jo :)

The loss of a parent is devistating at any age, for any reason. We are all somewhat child-like through life and need a parent. (I have lost both of mine, and feel like an orphaned little girl at times).
Your boyfriend may not want to show his grief, men were always raised to "be tough, be strong." so he may not know what to do with his feelings. Maybe he is not being so supportive of you for fear that his own grief will come out and he doesn't want that.
As far as the lying is concerned, I don't know what to tell you about that. A strong relationship must be built on strust, and it sounds as though yours has been shaken. I guess for now, you'll just have to try to protect your heart from getting any closer to him, and watchhim, and what happens. If you catch what you think is a lie, confront him, but in a gentle way, with concern for your relationship. (Meaning don't attack or fight with him over it). Whether or not you two stay together, will be up to you, trust wise and him honesty wise.
Huggs,
Rainbow

I lost my brother this year to cancer, and I had a tendency to want to push everybody away and just concentrate on work and stew in my own pain and misery. I'm learning to reach out to people in a loving way, but it's very, very difficult for me, as I'm sure it is for your man. Different people handle loss in different ways. Just try to gently let him know that you're there for him and don't want to lose him. You deserve a "status check" from him on how he views your relationship though; if he just says he's going through a really tough time right now and needs some space, give him space for a couple of months. After that, if he still doesn't want to get back together, I'd tell him you're going to start looking for a new beau.

My marriage almost crumbled when I lost my little girl and my sister. My husband wanted to go out and party in order to just move on with his life and not get bogged down in the pain. He began staying out all night and not answering his phone. All I did was sit at home and cry and ache and just grieve my losses. The very thought of having "fun" felt like a joke. We were both grieving, but in our own ways. We did not turn to one another or support one another. We just pushed each other away. During all of this, my husband began lying to me about one of his clients. He told me he was out until 2 a.m. with a male client and the next morning, a female called his phone to make sure he had made it home okay. Needless to say, I stopped trusting him. I was convinced he was having an affair. (He was not, in fact, having an affair and changed jobs in an effort to get away from that client since I became completely obsessed with her). I began hating him and accused him of everything under the sun. Like I said, our marriage nearly crumbled. I had to make the conscious decision that our marriage was worth saving. And I had to stop focusing on him and start focusing on myself. So, I sought help. I needed to figure out how to grieve my losses without destroying myself. I needed to figure out a way to be happy. And that is what I have done. I have learned a way to grieve my daughter and my sister without letting it BE who I am. I can miss my lost loved ones and still be a happy person and have healthy relationships. Once I began to focus on healing myself, the tension between my husband and me melted and my trust for him slowly came back. He did not feel the need to lie to me anymore because he knew I could handle the truth. I was not going to melt down if he was with a female client because I was secure with myself again. It was as if he felt he could finally relax and get close to me again because my whole existence was not about this loss I had endured. He no longer felt the need to party to have fun because he could have fun with me again because I realized it was okay to have fun. I'm not sure of the exact details of your situation, but I think there is one universal truth. Your fiance cannot heal you from this loss. You have to decide to seek the help that you need (whether that be counseling or writing or medication or whatever) and begin the process of healing yourself. Right now he may feel pressure not to upset you. So, he tells you the "little white lies" to keep from fighting with you or causing you what he may feel is unnecessary worry. The losses that you two have suffered may very well be the focus of your relationship right now, and that makes it nearly impossible for you to focus on the reasons why you love and trust one another and have decided to commit to building a life together. I imagine that if you are able to seek help on your own for your losses that you will be able to turn to him to just love you and have fun with you and he will not feel that he has to be your rock and he may be able to relax a little more and be that person you fell in love with. I hope this helps. Good luck.