B,

I can hardly believe that tomorrow morning you will have been dead two years. I have not stopped missing you or thinking about you -- I never did when you were alive, either. I was so staggered when your wife told me how much you cared about me. I had no idea. Maybe that's the way you wanted it?

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm missing a piece that would help it make sense, why you ended it. I wonder if you will be willing to talk to me about it when I get where you are. If you're not willing that's OK -- as long as I'm where you are, what difference does it make?

I miss you so much. I mean I understand why you did it -- I can never thank you enough for the exhaustive suicide letter -- but it's so awful here without you.