
Bereavement Support Group
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I lost my fiance to suicide 5 months ago 7 days. I lost the pregnancy I was carrying as well. All grief hurts I know. Does anyone out there have experience with suicide? Please help.
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I lost my brother to suicide last month. He had cancer that was getting very bad very quickly, and while I am still angry with him for killing himself, I know exactly why he did it.
Was your fiance sick? Did he suffer from depression? Do you know anything about what caused him to do this?
The grief is completely overwhelming at times. And I wish I could say that it gets better, but I just don't know yet.
I would love to talk to you more about all of this, but I just lost my mom a few days ago, and I'm sort of a mess at the moment. (I need to lay down and cry right now.)
Lisa
But I was kind of lucky in a way too. Richard started appearing to me (rather ghost-like actually) a few months after his passing. He would just be there, out of nowhere, in his favorite hat (a brown fedora) and those rose-colored glasses he used to wear (it was 1978 and NOBODY was doing it!) smiling his "Richard grin" and it made me feel warm all over. He followed me around for almost a year. I was talking to a mutual friend of ours (Richard's and mine) about it at one point and he said Richard was probably trying to help me get over it............. and I agree.
For many years, I thought about him daily, weekly, monthly and July was always the toughest month of all for me because that was when it had happened. He took a bed-sheet and tied it to the wall behind him and strangled himself......... so he really wanted to be gone and had to endure a lot to get there...... so when I say I carried guilt around I mean I punished myself like I'd tied the knot and pulled it tight all on my own.
I haven't thought about it in quite that way for a very, very long time and I honestly hope it wasn't painful for you...
But the point I'm really trying to make is that, while suicide is much like a wild animal and we are the cages in which it is contained, it is also softened and mellowed with time. I am aware of the way Richard died (how could I not be?), but it is NOT the first thing I think about when I think about him now. Now, I see the smile. I remember that once when I had the flu he gave me the "Happy Jacket" his dad got in Korea and told me to keep it forever because it made him happy to think of me in it. I think about how much of my taste in music he probably influenced and maybe my "DJ" tendencies are actually a gift that he also passed along.
Richard has lived inside of me for a really long time. I don't doubt for a minute he had a huge influence on the person I am and I still cherish all the memories I carry as much as I ever did. Maybe more....... because now I have the memories on their own and they are not in the middle of all the baggage of fury and guilt and despondent hopelessness that I carried around for so long. Now, when I think about Richard, I think about who he was and how he lived. Not what became of him when he died. So I think about Richard now....... and I smile. I know he would like that. It's who he was.
As survivors of suicide, we are a rather select group. Initiation is a bitch!........ I'm so, so very sorry that you have to be a member..... Be gentle with yourself and know that time does make it easier...... it just takes a lot of time to get to that place.
Richard was lucky to have you for a friend
I know you wrote this post a while ago, but I'm new to this site and just saw it now. I lost my younger brother to suicide 10 months ago today. He hung himself in my parent's garage on 9/10/11, with a lot of effort paramedics were able to get a heartbeat back, but he lost all brain function and we discontinued his life support on 9/12/11. He stopped breathing 2 1/2 hours after being taken off the ventilator...it was the most horrible experience of my life. At the same time, my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant and we conceived that month. But I lost the baby 7 weeks later. So, like you, I am mourning two losses. It has been really difficult and most of my friends are disappointingly unsupportive.
I just wanted to reach out and let you know that you aren't alone. I hope today is a good day for you.