Bereavement Support Group
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You Might Be A Redneck:
When you think marriage vows are what your father-in-law promised to do to you if you didn't marry his daughter
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws
You Might Be A Redneck If:
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups
You consider spam and saltines an hore'derve.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.
A tornado through your trailer's yard and makes it look neater.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed
When you mow your lawn and find a car
You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night entails boots, a flashlight and a trip to the backyard
Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
Your wife wants to take a bath but you have to move the transmision from the tub first.
You take a bath in the pond near your trailer.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D." and you respond "About Whut?"
You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
You think "fat-free" means undoing your belt and the first 3 buttons.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test
You lock up your frozen juices because you think that 'concentrate' is some prison in New York.
You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE".
Your grandmother has ammo on her Christmas tree.
You sit on your roof Christmas Eve with a shotgun hoping to fill you deer quota for the year.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
Your mother can spit farther than a rodeo cowboy,
You refer to your wife and your mother-in-law as dual air bags!
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
Your favorite pick-up line is "Hey, nice tooth!"
Your sister's cousin's aunt's niece is your grandma.'
You go to family reunions to meet women.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear. You wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.
Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit!
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You go to your prom on a tractor.
You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.
You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.
Thought we could use some chuckles...enjoy! :)
this is from www.angeleyes2.com
When you think marriage vows are what your father-in-law promised to do to you if you didn't marry his daughter
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws
You Might Be A Redneck If:
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups
You consider spam and saltines an hore'derve.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.
A tornado through your trailer's yard and makes it look neater.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed
When you mow your lawn and find a car
You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night entails boots, a flashlight and a trip to the backyard
Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
Your wife wants to take a bath but you have to move the transmision from the tub first.
You take a bath in the pond near your trailer.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D." and you respond "About Whut?"
You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
You think "fat-free" means undoing your belt and the first 3 buttons.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test
You lock up your frozen juices because you think that 'concentrate' is some prison in New York.
You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE".
Your grandmother has ammo on her Christmas tree.
You sit on your roof Christmas Eve with a shotgun hoping to fill you deer quota for the year.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
Your mother can spit farther than a rodeo cowboy,
You refer to your wife and your mother-in-law as dual air bags!
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
Your favorite pick-up line is "Hey, nice tooth!"
Your sister's cousin's aunt's niece is your grandma.'
You go to family reunions to meet women.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear. You wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.
Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit!
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You go to your prom on a tractor.
You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.
You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.
Thought we could use some chuckles...enjoy! :)
this is from www.angeleyes2.com
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Sincerely,
One MADD bereaved mom
I did read this before posting it, but I guess it did not register...pardon me.
Kat...and so everyone knows, I don't condone drinking and driving...never have.
If I could erase that particular joke, then I would...dang, forget it...I am so fed up with trying...so many touchy subjects...damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Thank you for the humor. It felt great to see this. (hugs)