In ranting and raving in my journal, I think I came to one of the major sources of the problem. That powerless feeling you get when you lose someone you love. Aside from the actual loss, don't you think that the feeling of being completely powerless - totally unable to fix the situation or make things better - makes everything even worse? There's nothing like losing control over something important to you, but to lose control over one of the most important things to you, the life of a loved one, is the worst kind of powerless feelings - not being able to do a single thing to change the matter - not being able to do anything but stand there and be helpless and useless. Then I almost feel like I've lost control of my own life as a result (falling apart at inopportune times, dwelling on the moments before she died, losing sleep, etc). Does this make sense to anyone else?
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