Even if you had seen her at the viewing, you would still be waiting. I saw my Mom's lifeless body at the hospital and at the viewing and I can not shake those memories. Even still, every day I wait for her phone call. Everyday, I wake up hoping it was a horrible nightmare. Everyday, I wait for a letter or package in the mail from her. What I am trying to say is the decision you made was right for you and I do not believe that it would change the way you are struggling to accept her death right now. Please find solace in that knowledge. I am so sorry for the loss of you Mom. So very sorry.

We all wait and watch in the same way. You may have gotten closure by going, but I went to all of that, and am still waiting and watching. At least the memories you do have of her, were not those very painful final ones. She loves you, you know that. She must have known about your anxiety problems and most likely would not have wanted you to go through all that extra pain and stress.
You'll heal, in time, and for her, you have to take care of you. HUggs Rainbow

My dad passed just 33 days ago at home he was ill but yet it was unexpected. I did CPR on him, went to viewing, and funeral and all the formalities yet its still all like a horrible dream. Some days it hits me hard yet others i feel like he is still here. I think you should make the decision that you feel more comfortable with. Some need to go for closure others just can't bring themself to it. Only you know whats best for you. Losing someone so close is so hard. Please take care of yourself and take the time you need to grieve.

My niece died over six months ago and when I see my brother part of me still expects to see him with a baby carrier.

It is hard to let go.

I lost my mom/best friend on May 3 07, 1 year earlier in May 06 my Dad passed, I took care of my Mom and was with her as she took her last breaths and It was so hard, i replay it over and over,and I think about all the things I "should" have done, I should have climbed in bed and held her etc.. But whats done is done,what matters is that our moms knew we loved them.Did you make the right decision, only you know, but it was what you had to do at the time to cope. As for waiting,I still expect my sister to call and she's been gone for 12 years. I don't think that ever really goes away completely.I hope I helped in some small way!
Take care of yourself,and if you would like to chat, I'm here!

My Mom went away on July 22. I found her. I did cpr on her for what seemed like hours. Because I'm an only child, I handled all of the arrangements myself. I went through all of the viewings and the service. It all made me very numb. But now that is the image I have of her. That's not what I want and I know that eventually it will go away. I want to see her with her big smile and the bow in her hair. Don't second guess yourself. You did what was right for you at the time. Your Mom knows you best, and I'm sure that she understands your decision.
After everything that I went through, I'm still waiting. I keep thinking that she's going to come peeking into my livingroom, or she's going to call. In fact, just yesterday, I couldn't figure out why she hadn't called yet. I was even going to call my husband to see if he had heard from her yet. Sometimes the loss is going to seem more real to you than others. I know it's that way for me. There are times when it feels like she's just away on a trip or something...and other times...I feel overwhelming sadness because I know that I'm never going to hear her laugh again...she's never going to drive me crazy again.
We all have so much to deal with and go through. But we can do it by leaning on each other and being there for each other.

thank you so much for the replies, i guess after taking care of my dad and watching him from going to my superman to a skeleton, i was so afraid to see my mom/ my life gone. I still see my daddy in so much pain and had to watch him choke and there was nothing i could do before he passed, i was trained in nursing and i couldn't help him, i live with this each day and now mom. i couldn't relive it. I never wanted to see either of them gone, like everyone else i guess. i did take care of my daddy, and i feel i did things that he didn't want his little girl to do, it bothers me to this day. my mom went so quick tho, i didn't have a chance to care for her, but i'm happy she didn't go through pain. huggss to everyone

My Dad died in May this year, he died at home after fighting cancer for 4 month. I sat by his bed and held his hand for 2 hours after he died. I stood by his coffin at the viewing, I have seen his ashes....... I'm still waiting for him to ring me, when i ring my Mum I expect him to answer the phone.
You can only make the choice that is right for you, it doesn't matter what anyone else does...its what you need to do and what you can handle.
Grief is not something that just disappears, its a slow walk towards learning a new way to live without our loved one... one day at a time, one breath at a time...very slowly we learn how to get through the days.

i just waked my mother for two days, and burried her on the third. it was the most awful experience of my life. my brothers and i decided that when it was our time we wouldn't want that even though it's in the Catholic tradition. I lost 3 friends during 9/11 and their bodies were never recovered and while that grief i thought then would be the worst grief i would ever experience (NOW of course the loss of my mother is the 100 times worse)the fact that there was no viewings made it a bit easier. you wouldn't have wanted to see your mom like that. A body is just a vehicle for someone's soul, your mother is all around you, as mine is.
Love
Patricia

No matter what you would still be waiting. I think at the time for you you made the decision that was right for you. Remember that. You can't second guess yourself on something you can't change now.
Be strong.

I'm so sorry for your loss - and that you hurt so much you couldn't attend her funeral. It sounds like you loved her very much.

But no. I think you've come to terms with her not coming back. In your heart, you know it. You just miss her that much - that you're wishing for what you know is the impossible. No matter what the illness, how tired we might have been ourselves during the siege - no matter how much we may say they're not suffering anymore - we wish they were in the next room like before...I do. I keep looking in Mom's room picturing where her hospital bed was, knowing it won't be in there when I look. And I attended her wake/funeral. Even though I planned it all, and was present for it all, the funeral was a fiasco, and I had to leave her behind, unburied. It was taken out of my hands.

But you made a choice. I'm wondering if you've found that you're sorry you didn't go, are still resigned to your original decision - or maybe just worried about what others thought? If you're worried about others, please don't. You did what you felt you had to do.

Let's just hope both our Moms will be back - in spirit - sometime soon, if not already.

My sincerest condolences.

You made the decision that was right for you. Seeing a body at a viewing and/or visiting a grave brings some people closure but not all. If you need closure, you will have to create a remembrance or an event to honor your mother.

We all process grief differently. and especially because you have your mental health issues, I think it is perfectly understandable why you did not expose yourself to more trauma than you already had at the time.


And it would be normal for you to feel like you are still waiting for her, anyway. That is part of the initial stage of grief, shock and denial, disbelief.



I also feel part of me gets it, and part doesn't, and it's been 2 years for me, since I lost my son. Although I am slowly getting through it, and coming back together again.

As long as you're making progress, you are on the right track. If you feel "stuck" and can't move on in a reasonable amount of time, and you need plenty of time, you may benefit from grief therapy and/or meds to help you get through.

I lost my Mom in 2003. I am an only child and was so overwhelmed by her death. Mom did not want a viewing so I held a wake ten weeks after her death. Since all of our family had already died, it had always been Mom and me. We fought like only Mothers and daughters could. A year before her death, I started having a lot of anxiety about her suddenly dyeing on me. I went to a therapist and he said he thought it was silly that I was pregrieving her death. When she did indeed die, I wanted to go back and say "see, I told you I knew." Sometimes you just know things. I threw myself into restoring the house she left me. I knew I had to make it my own or forever expect to see her here. I have been really sick for the last three months with a bladder infection that has turned into IC/PBS. It has given me too much time to think. I miss my Mom so much right now. I cry all day. I would give anything to hear her voice just one more time. Will this pain ever go away?

I was there when my dad passed away recently, I watched his last breath. He passed peacefully, but for some it isn't that way, sometimes it's best to remember them how they were, kinda depends on what took them ya know what I mean?
My deepest sympathies go out to u hrtnsoul.