As mentioned by another poster, I made it through Christmas okay but last night - at the end of the holiday - I began having a panic attack. I can't even describe it - but there were no tears last night. Today, having another - this time tears and not even wanting to get dressed. Seems I'm slipping - a nervous wreck. Can't (don't want to) even visit my Dad in hospital today. Can't explain this. And I was supposed to look for work after the holidays - how will I handle it? My house is a mess, in turmoil - and so am I. My Mom would be so disappointed, so why don't I get some sign - some feeling of her presence to calm me - especially during this maddening time?
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