My mother passed away in October, I guess i was living in a semi denial state for the past two and 1/2 months. The reality of it all is kicking in big time now with the holidays and all coming. I find myself avoiding my friends and family, i can't focus on anything worth focusing on, I aam in nursing school however i am completely over the whole keep my mind busy thing. The first thing i do when i wake up is have a cig and cry like a baby. This is not me i don't show emotions very well. I feel as though i am a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off at the most inappropiate time. At my job i work with the elderly doing activities so you have to constantly put on this front and smile and laugh and convince them about how wonderful life is and how well i am handling the death of my mother , when all i want to do is crawl under a rock and hide. so i guess i am open to any suggestions on how to possible deal with or handle the fact that the one person in the world i can always count on and turn to is the one person i will never see again. I am spiraling out of control and as much as it kills me to admit it...... I need help.
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