
Bereavement Support Group
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deleted_user
Hi everyone. I'd be very grateful for any input. I left my old job before Christmas so I could have some extra time with my mom, my sister, and my brother and his family before starting a great new job January 8. In the wee hours of the 8th, my 76 year-old mother, who has had end stage renal disease and been on dialysis since 2001 collapsed from a cardiac arrest. I have been her caregiver for many years and while she was in poor health, she always wanted to be involved, part of life, and never acted her age. She was my best friend. I was with her when she collapsed and my sister and I both did CPR while we waited for the emt's - but the damage was done and on the 12th she died.
I've never gone this long without spending time with her. She was loving and fun, and I miss her terribly.
My new manager was very kind and gave me a new starting date for my job (which I really, really need) and that day is next Monday. Luckily, the atmosphere is casual, and my workplace is very close to home.
I'm crying a lot this week - I think the initial numbness has worn off. I'm worried about next week. I'm hoping the job will help occupy my mind. I know everyone is different, but I could sure use some advice on how to handle myself next week, or what to expect, based on others' experiences.
Any thoughts?
Patti
I've never gone this long without spending time with her. She was loving and fun, and I miss her terribly.
My new manager was very kind and gave me a new starting date for my job (which I really, really need) and that day is next Monday. Luckily, the atmosphere is casual, and my workplace is very close to home.
I'm crying a lot this week - I think the initial numbness has worn off. I'm worried about next week. I'm hoping the job will help occupy my mind. I know everyone is different, but I could sure use some advice on how to handle myself next week, or what to expect, based on others' experiences.
Any thoughts?
Patti
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I found that there were times when I couldn't distract myself with work, so I would take a break and hide in the bathroom so I could cry a little and then clean myself up before going back to work. Remember that you have to take care of yourself and honor how you are feeling, even if it's at work. I also suggest you take a lot of notes about the details of your job while they are being explained to you, so you can reference them later on if you have forgotten. I found that I was pretty forgetful for a while after my dad died, especially about trivial things, which my job was.
I eventually quit that position about a month after my dad died, because of a lack of support from my manager. She called me in for a meeting about my "energy levels not being up for the job" (I was office support/front desk at a wellness center, of all things) and I told her this was not going to work out and promptly gave her 2 weeks notice. Oddly enough, when the owner found out I was leaving, she talked to me and stated that she hoped this was not because of my father's passing, because she felt that I would benefit from the healing environment of the center. I told her she needed to talk to her office manager, because that was NOT the message I received from her, and this was yet another example of why I was quitting - the constant lack of communication and mixed messages that the two of them exhibited almost daily. Again, this was a place that was not functioning well as an office to begin with (all the other staff members except for the owner and the office manager have quit since I did, which speaks volumes), so I'm hoping that your experience will be better than my own. Remember to take care of yourself, and if you feel you can't handle starting the job yet, speak with your manager as soon as you can and be open about how you are doing.