It\'s only been 3 months since I lost my mom. I\'m not one to give advice on this....obviously.
I\'ve been told that this pain is like others, time will lessen it. I don\'t know if that\'s true, sometimes something will strike just the right cord and it hurts just as much as it did the first day.
I\'m trying really hard to get myself on an even keel before the holidays. I don\'t know if it\'s going to work. I would much rather just go to sleep and wake up in January.

My Mom passed due to terminal cancer too. It was 2 years ago. I can tell you for a VERY long time I could not deal with it. I was sad and angry. I still am. But although it will always affect me, and I will always miss her, I have improved a great deal. Its been only recently that I have begun to get a grip on this.

My mom passed on oct 25th of this year two days before my 40th birthday. This board and the people here have helped me allot with this process.

All the reading I have done says there is no set time or way to go through this and that we should let our bodies do what they need to do. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to yell at your dad for hurting you than yell at him, you need to let your emotions out.

The place our loved ones are in now, they know nothing but love and understanding (my belief). If you need to sleep than sleep. But above all make sure you take care of yourself. You need to eat and drink plenty of water.

My mother was the strogest, most honest, and compassionate person, I\'ve ever known.

It has been almost 5 months since my mother has passed away from cancer (June 28). I think it is starting to hit me now, that she is really gone. She was my best friend.
I did stay by her bedside as she passed; I cannot get these images out of my head.
I frequently dream of her, but not good dreams. I usually dream that she has died and when I wake up, I realize the dream is true.

I miss her so much, I just want her back.....
What I wouldn\'t give to just sit and talk with her again for only a few minutes.

I am dreading the holidays!

All the thoughts you expressed are very common among the grieving. Holidays can be a difficult time. Please try to make some plans and reserve the right to change your mind up to the last minute. Let me know how you are doing.

There\'s a difference between moving slowly through grief, which is entirely appropriate and understandable, (especially if you have children to take care of, a job, and lots of things to let go of, like taking care of a terminally sick mom for several months and your reward is losing her), and getting stuck in it. Give yourself time, and sometimes you just need a break and you may not move foreward for a while. But if you feel stuck and like you are sinking and losing ground and can\'t get moving again, that is when you might be in trouble and need some help. It is not a bad thing for your children or even your boss to see you cry. That is a part of mourning and a part of life. What would be bad is for them to see you not get better eventually.

I lost my mom a year and 5 months ago, so I did this last year for the first time. It seemed nearly impossible at the time. I gried a lot, and felt like there were SO many changes in what I thought the holidays were, tradition-wise. And there were... My mom was a holiday junkie and made it a point to do things with me, so that I could carry on once she couldn\'t anymore (though we lost her suddenly, and I know she planned on being around a lot longer...).
I can\'t tell you it gets easier as the holidays get closer, b/c it doesn\'t. But this year doesn\'t seem quite as bad a last year. And I know it\'s okay to create new traditions for our family, as long as I keep some of the long-memory ones that meant so much for me (for my own kids to experience).
Best of luck, and prayers set your way!
Starrlamar

That sudden remembrance and urge to cry for our loss doesn\'t go away as fast as we\'d like. It does lessen (I went from every few minutes of every day down to maybe once a day or maybe even once every other day). I still \"talk\" to my mom, out loud, when I\'m alone. I usually cry then too. It does get better as time goes, but I don\'t think time HEALS all wounds... We just adjust to them.

i know what you are going through. my dad took care of her and i went to visit and help when i could. they lived 8 hours away from me and i spoke to her the night before she passed and told her that i would be there the next day to take care of her. i got the call while we were driving there that she had passed away. my sister and brother told me to be strong for my dad and not let him see me cry. i am the baby and that was my mom my rock. i still have a hard time dealing with it. and i had to explain to my son that he wouldn\'t get to see grandma when we got there because she was in heaven now.

when it\'s late at night and i am upset i listen to music. that has been one thing to help me through this. a few months ago i couldn\'t remember the sound of her voice so i watch home movies. if you dad is still around keep him close. i know it\'s hard because you feel like no one will understand if they haven\'t been through it. it has changed me and i want to be me again.

i talk to my mom all of the time. my dad had a bracelet made for me that has some of her ashes in it and i kiss it every now and then and i talk to her and ask her to help me. because i need her advice. i still get the urge to call her when i need advice or my son is sick. it is definitely hard, but it will get easier with time.

Daughters losing mothers is very hard on you. Are you familiar with the 5 stages of grief? It does sound like you may be stuck in depression (which I have heard described as anger turned on yourself) If you are stuck, and not moving forward, which is difficult to tell when your deep grief is still so fresh, you may have feelings about your relationship with your mom that need resolution. Do you feel like you are or will get through your pain eventually, or is it overwhelming and feels like it may consume you? Even those feelings are normal at first, but you still should be able to get some distance and clarity from them at times. Overall, the overwhelming pain and grief should subside over time, but it may take more time than others think it should. They are not going through it. If you still have unresolved conflicts,there are lots of ways to find out what those feelings are, and how to resolve them. The best way for you might be a different one for someone else. You mentioned your dreams. You might try asking yourself before you go to sleep what issues need to be dealt with between you and your mom. And as soon as you wake up, write anything you think might be an answer in a journal you have waiting for you. You can do the same thing by asking how to deal with it once you\'ve figured out what it is. I like writing a letter and then burning it. It is very freeing. If that doesn\'t help and time goes by and you are still as miserable as ever, you might need to see a therapist or Dr. for antidepressants. Hope this helps!!

My mom passed away almost 14 years ago. I dont think its fair to say that time lessen\'s the pain. In time you only get used to the pain. Some days it hurts like it was just yesterday. For the longest time I used to avoid talking about my mom because it was too painful. Ive only recently started talking about her once again. And it hurts a lot. But I feel less lonely now and less drawn away.

i lost my mama almost 2 months ago and i know what you are going through. i am just waiting for that breakdown. she was sick for 6 months from a surgery to remove her cancer. we never thought she would leave us. we finally had to bring her home with hospice and we had to watch her die. i am already on medication so i am thankful for that. just know i understand and am here for u. jenny

My Mom passed away in April of 2005.

On some levels, it did not come as a shock because she was 95 years old and I had taken care of her for almost 15 years. Still, I miss her very much.

I can honestly say that the pain of loss does become easier in time.

When my wife died in 1989 from breast cancer, I thought my life was over and in some ways, and at certain times of the year, I guess that\'s true.

Still, now, the fond memories I have far outshine the pain of the loss and those memories have enabled me to move on with my life.

With my Mom\'s passing, a book that a friend told me about was a great help. I\'d like to pass it on to everyone here:

\"The Five People You Meet in Heaven\" by Mitch Albom.

For those who don\'t know this little 197 page tome (I read the whole thing on a 3 hour flight from Minnesota to New York), it is NOT a religious book, but it is very spiritual.

My prayers to all of you.

Joe

I know, my mother died june 19 2005 and I was there and held her in my arms as she died and I can't forget it, it seems like that is all I think about at night. But she does visit me in my dreams almost every night and sometimes it makes me sad depending on my mood of the day. So sorry for your loss.