Today like others lately my heart is in knots. I find myself snapping at people or just rudly cutting them off. Its like with so much going on I dont have the time to listen. I know I should but I feel as though I cant take any more words into thought. Or maybe I just dont want to. I do feel like the grinch with my Heart 10 sizes to small. I am trying to enjoy this time of year and find myself on the verge of a smile then it becomes a tiny tear that wells up in my eyes. I am going to my fathers grave on the 26. I havent been in a few month. I am going alone. I feel this may give me a sense of goodbye. I have written him a letter and hope to read it. this will be the hardest Christmas. I wonder what It will be like on Christmas morning, or if I should buy him a small gift and bring it to his grave. I feel dumb for thinking this and I know someone is bound to tell me Im wasting money. What should I do?
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