
Bereavement Support Group
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deleted_user
she was the mother I never had, eventhough I lived with my mother but she never loved me or showed me attention unless it was bad. We lived by my grandma all my life and I could run up there anytime, I spent many nights with her.
She died in march, she was 92, She had been sick and I knew she was going to leave soon but I didn't know it would hurt me so bad, when I got the phone call I just stood there saying what do I do, I can't go to her house I expect her to come out of her room, everytime I walk by it I make myself beleive she is still in there, but then it will hit me hard that she isn't.
I haven't really cried much just a few times and it hurts so bad to cry, I feel like I will lose myself completly if I let myself feel that pain.
I thought the child in me left with her, but actually it just went to a safe place in my mind, her house when I would spend the night and we would get up in the middle of the night and make cinnamon toast bread.
It's hard to talk about her and I just can't beleive she is gone, sometimes I feel angry that she left me here alone in this crazy world and I feel so unsafe without her here.
She was the only one who showed me love and acceptance and I don't know what im supposed to do without her.
She died in march, she was 92, She had been sick and I knew she was going to leave soon but I didn't know it would hurt me so bad, when I got the phone call I just stood there saying what do I do, I can't go to her house I expect her to come out of her room, everytime I walk by it I make myself beleive she is still in there, but then it will hit me hard that she isn't.
I haven't really cried much just a few times and it hurts so bad to cry, I feel like I will lose myself completly if I let myself feel that pain.
I thought the child in me left with her, but actually it just went to a safe place in my mind, her house when I would spend the night and we would get up in the middle of the night and make cinnamon toast bread.
It's hard to talk about her and I just can't beleive she is gone, sometimes I feel angry that she left me here alone in this crazy world and I feel so unsafe without her here.
She was the only one who showed me love and acceptance and I don't know what im supposed to do without her.
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Secondly, I understand how you feel. I just lost my husband a month ago at the age of 24 with a kid and one on the way. I know what you are going through. There is one thing I have learned though and that is...the love and care hasn't gone because she is gone. She is in a wonderful place and is sending you her love and acceptance daily. I know it's hard to think that sometimes because I still think just because my husband is gone that so is everything else. Our selfishness on earth isn't letting us accept that they are still sending the love and care to us because we want them with us so badly. It's those good times (i.e. making the cinnamon toast bread) that keeps her with you as well.
I know it's hard to think like this(I'm having a good moment right now that's why I'm able to say all this), but keep it in the back of your mind. Know she's still carrying you through life loving you and caring for you like she did here on earth.
My prayers are with you.