Before Matthews passing I had been thinking about having another baby. I've found my rock, love him so much, but he has no children, is actually afraid of babies, and believes he's too old to have a child now. He's 39, I'm going to be 43 soon, while I don't think it's too late, it could be soon. We've talked about it, besides his two fears mentioned above, he's said he feels me having his baby will cause my other children to not speak to me, and that he couldn't do that to me. Well, here's the situation, Matthews gone, Nicole my 21 year old daughter, doesn't speak to me now, so that wouldn't change. And Kyle, he's going to be 16 in just a couple of months, he's just getting started into his teenage years where mothers are just there when you need something, not someone you want to hang around with. Everyone says things will change as they get older but I've been thinking about all the things I'm missing with them and could still miss if they don't change and it makes me sad. Whose to say I'll get to know my grandkids? Whose to say my daughter will have a change of heart. I miss mothering them and don't want to live the rest of my life without those things. If I had another child, it could never replace Matthew, but at least I'd have another chance at the things I miss and the things I hope to enjoy. Yet on the other hand, am I to old, a baby is a lot of work, help I need some thoughts and experiences.
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