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Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

Missing my Dad who was my Best Friend

deleted_user
deleted_user
My Dad who was also my Best friend died from Lung Cancer 24 November last year. I only knew that he had Lung Cancer three days before he died. He had kept it a secret for years and didn't want to worry me and he didn't have any treatment.

My Mum divorced my Dad when I was a toddler and wouldn't let me see him. So as soon as it was Legal for me to trace him at 18 years old I did so and we had a great 21 years together. We were like two peas in a pod. I love and miss him dearly. He was such a proud man and always put me before himself.

My Mum has always spoken very badly about him and even now he has passed to the "Next World" she continues to do so.

I feel such a huge hole in my heart and am finding things difficult without him. It will be the 1st Anniversary of his passing 24 November.

My Dad always knew what to do and say and we talked every day on the phone and saw eachother very often.

When I need help I still go to reach for the phone as my Dad would always know what to do but now I can't.

I'm just so very sad.

Any advise would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Helen.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was the same way with my dad. Since his passing, I often find myself asking "daddy what should I do>" I think back and remember things he told me along the way that can help me today. Draw on your memories. They are precious, and a way in which he can still help you. Huggs, Rainbow
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you so much Rainbow. I sure have very happy memories with my Dad. He had such a dry sense of humour and had everyone in hysterics. I just don't like it when my Mum speaks badly of him. She has said some very cruel things about him and that I should burn all his furniture and to sell his watch as it's worth so much money as it's a Rolex, but I don't care about the money and I told her that I would never burn his furniture or sell his watch and that his watch is staying on my wrist as I feel close to him. She didn't like when I said this and that I love my Dad.

I'm so very sorry about your Dad. You must miss him so much.

Love Helen.
dilli
dilli
Maybe you need to set some rules with your Mum, tell her that unless she has something good to say about your Dad to say nothing. Or you could walk away every time she starts to say something, letting her kow you won't listen.
My Dad died in May 2007, I know how you are feeling. As Rainbow said, draw on the memories, use them every day to help get you through..I use my journal as a "phone"to my Dad..that helps me a little/lot..nothing will ever take our Dad's places, but we can at least be honored that they were our Dad's..and we are very lucky to have all those memories.
(((((hugs))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you Dilli, I'm so very sorry about you losing your Dad too. I feel very proud of my Dad and have told my Mum off for talking about him like this. My Mum is the one with the problem. She must have loved my Dad once. If she says one more nasty thing about him I will say to her what you said. I think I will start a Journal to my Dad as you have. This I think will help me. Thank you so much and again I'm so sorry that you lost your dear Dad.

Love Helen.
XXX
dilli
dilli
My Mum did just after Dad died say some really terrible things...she was angry, scared and confused. I said just that to her, "please don't say anything if you can't say anything nice" ... after a few days she rang me and said sorry, that she knew Dad was a good man and she loved him very much, but that she felt cheated that he had died. Since then we have had many ups and downs, but she now knows that I won't stand for any rubbish being said about him, and she respects that...and she also has come to understand that Dad didn't leave her on purpose.
For your Mum its a bit different, but it has also been her choice to have no contact with your Dad...as you say she would of loved him at one point, she may have regrets, but again there is no reason for her to being saying anything bad about your Dad, hang in there, let her know you love her...and you also love your Dad...she will learn to keep quiet if you remind her every time.
((((hugs))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you Dilli.

I'm just off to bed now as it's late in England. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me. It has helped me very much.

Love Helen.
XXX
deleted_user
deleted_user
ME and my daddy was close also He was really my GRAND FATHER but Icalled him dad because he was the only daddy I KNEW. I know it's hard but always remeber the good times ya'll shared together. He would not want you sad. JUST pray and ask GOD to give you the strength to make it through. You would not want him to suffer the pain, he is in a better place. YOU CAN MAKE IT.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you Sonia.

I remember all the good times with my Dad and most of the time I'm ok but other times I'm not. I know that he wouldn't want me to be sad. I just miss him so much. He was such a big character.

Love Helen.
XXX
deleted_user
deleted_user
My dad passed 2 years ago. My mom tries to pull the same stuff. They were divorced for over 20 years! I ignore her when she starts, I know she is hurting too.

Before he passed I told him that I wanted to keep him with me forever. He chuckled and said "I am", my blood runs through you everyday. Funny thing is, I am adopted, and not biologically related! BUT, he never took that into consideration, that is how close we were.

I went out and bought a small bottle of the aftershave he used to wear. When I miss him really bad, I go and spray a little - either on my hand, or on a washcloth if I am going to sleep. I find that smell very comforting.

Best wishes and hugs to you that you find comfort during this time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you Jean. I'm very sorry to hear that your Dad has gone to the "Next World" too. I do feel my Dad around me in Spirit which is a comfort and I always wear his watch as it makes me feel very close to him.

Thank you.

Love Helen.
XXX
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