So sorry you are going thru this.

My mom died on Thansgiving Day...aneurysms burst....we did not know. We are just now finshing up things from her passing away.

This was my first time I was involved in all the picking out details....it was hard and tiring and long....appt after appt.

Thought life would never return to normal or be okay. But I am and life is going on and she is in my heart forever as yours will be too.

You will be okay and the daughter will be too.

I share your sorrow.
Love Rhea

Hi, theres no doubt about it, making the arrangements is the biggest challengeof your life, its awful. Like Rhea, my mm died of an aneurysm, a click of my fingers and she was gone, we had been together enjoying a normal day. On the 23rd Oct we were making plans for shopping trips and on the 24th October 2008 I was being asked what she would be wearing in her coffin. Its mind blowingingly horrific. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there, it isnt a case of how will you get through it...you will...you have to....for your daughter, your family and for yourself, because its up to you to keep your parents legacy alive. Sarah xx

It's extremely hard. My mother-in-law passed on Dec 11th suddenly. I think we were all numb going through the arrangements but, truth be told, it was easier than when my dad died in July 2007. His cancer took him in 7 months. I didn't partake in picking any of his arrangements or his final resting place. I just couldn't. It upset me and now I regret it. His wife stuck him on the top row in a wall. I can't even touch him. So upsetting since she doesn't even go visit him. She even put the wrong year he was born on the engravement.

I'm sorry for your pain. It truly does suck!

My heart goes out to all of you. This is NEVER an easy process to go through. But, it is good that you can do it ahead of time even if only a few days. Because when the actual loss takes place, you will be so overwhelmed. No matter what anyone says its still a difficult time and so many things to tend to that it will wear you out. So I say you are doing the right thing for sure.

My Mom, God rest her soul, took care of almost all her arrangements before she passed away. She had paid for her plot, vault, marker, and had even picked out her casket. We (or pretty much me) had to take care of a few details and be sure any extra were paid for. YOu don't think about some of these things but it cost $150.00 to place chairs and the gravesite and take them back down! Can you imagine that?? Trust me when I say I learned a whole lot about funerals when she passed and her handling this for me was a very precious thing for her to do. She knew out of the three of her kids, I was the one that took responsibilty for her and her needs. All I can say it that I can't begin to tell you how much that meant to me. It allowed me to go through the grief proscess easier and sooner with those things being done.

On the other hand, my sister who is so ill will not do any of these things. She would not have helped me with our Mom had Mom not tended to these things for me. Momma knew how it would be for me and did what she could and she did it way before she got sick.

I know your Dad is not in a situation to do that for you know but it sounds like he is having a direct creamation. My Dad is doing that as well. However, where we live that still costs around $2000.00. Was you Dad ever in the Military? If he was, they will pay for him a marker. The cost to lay it will have to be paid for by family but they do provide a nice marker.

I have a cousin that does volunteer work to help military families do this sort of thing when the time comes. If you need some info, you can pm me and I will get you what you need....or at least try.

Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember to take care of yourself right now too. Sometimes when we are going through this kind of life event we have a tendancy to not properly care for the one person that needs its most......us.

I am so sorry you are having to go through all this. With the losses I have had, they have been sudden, except for my father. We had five days notice but my mother would not even begin to accept he would die so nothing was really prepared. This must be just so tough to do. My father lingered very much, though - many times we thought he would die and he didnt! It is just so tuff, with all the dealing with everything - it just goes on and on, even if you have done some already. Take care - and I hope his passing is easy....Cathrynn X

Want to update on this...my dad passed away this morning. Been busy making phone calls all day. Thank you everbody who responded to my post.

You have my most sincere condolences. Tom

We also are going through this. I try to be prepared, but when it comes to keeping an appointment with the funeral director, I just can't. I know I should, cuz, when he goes it will just be harder. I have done somethings, but as far as his final funeral, I just haven't been able. On one hand I think people will think, I'm trying to hurry him. And honestly, I pray for it to be over for him. This has been a long time and he has suffered way too much. It's great that you are handling it as well as you are.

Thank you for taking time to let us know. I am very sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry to here about your dad. Having just gone through this with my mom I know how hard it can be, but also that they are now at peace, and that can be a bit comforting.
Barb

I am so sorry for your loss, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

I just happened upon this website while looking for a grief support group.

I made my mother's arrangements last Monday.

Even though I had made my Dad's 30 years ago, it was still very difficult.

I pray that as you grieve for your father, your memories of him and his love for you will serve to comfort and to heal your heart.

Len

So sorry for your loss! I hope you are doing well as can be expected. Do not require lots of yourself right now. Try to take care of you. Like you are ill. It helped me. Ate soup alot for the first month. Canned. Anyway. Food rest is important. Get rest whenever you have just a few minutes.

We were run off our feet for over a month. Just now done. Remember too.... Water! Drink water! Made me feel a lot bettter. With winter and tears so often people get dehydrated. Easily.

We are here if you want to talk.
Love Rhea