I lost my first son to prematurity at 6 months of age and that was bad, but now to make matters worse I lost my second son and my last child to a bad car accident that could have been avoided if his father had been a father to begin with. My x had not had anything to do with our son or daughter since they were less than 2 yrs old. When my son turned 18 he had this enate desire to see his father in another state 12 hrs. from our home. My son had no driver's license so he saved up to take a bus to his fathers. He asked me to take him to the bus stop and wait with him. When the bus got here, I held him in my arms like I had never held him before, crying like a baby, telling him I didn't want to let him go, 1. Because I didn't want to share him with his father and 2. because I felt like I was loosing him. Little did I know that my feelings of loosing him were going to become reallity. He was with his father for 2 weeks when I found out that his father was letting him drive his car without a license. I beged his father not to let him drive untill he got the proper training and license because something was going to happen. That was on Monday 4-12-2004. On Sunday 4-18-2004 my son's fathers 23 yr. old girlfriend had to go to work and took my son with her and handed him the keys to his fathers car and told him to drive back to his fathers 15 miles from where she worked. My son could not find his way out of a wet paperbag here let alone in a state he had never been in before. He had told a young lady here before he left to go to his fathers that he was afraid of the interstate. How ironic that he would die on the thing he was most scared of at the hands of his father and fathers girlfriend. I find it difficult to feel anything other than hate for the two of them. I feel like it is as if he pointed a gun to my son and she pulled the trigger. Now they are married and have a new baby girl. He is 48 and she is 27 now. He also has several other children he has never been a father to as well. He has another son that he wouldn't take care of after the boys mother died of cancer. He left him in the care of his drug addict sister. Where is the justice in the death of my son, the life of his other son and the life of that poor new baby girl. It has been 4 years since my baby has pasted but it still isn't any better. I still wait for him to call on me for a ride somewhere or see a young man that is the age he was when he passed and wonder if I will ever stop feeling the loss that I feel or the yurning to see him one last time to let him know I love him since the last words we had were on the phone about him ordering something on cable at my house that cost over a $1000.00. and he told my daughter that he didn't want to talk to me again. That is the last sound of his voice that I hear and think about every time I think of his last days here on earth. He was in a coma for 9 1/2 hours before I even knew he had been in and accident. His father didn't even have the decency to call me, he had his 23 year old girlfriend call our 20 year old daughter to tell her and she had to call me. Can you imagine what it was like for my daughter to get the phone call about her bestfriend and brother and then to have to call her mother (Me) and say mom, Carl has been in a bad accident and is in a coma and it doesn't look good. Then getting a second call from your daughter saying that the girlfriend called to say your brother has passed and she had to call mom and tell her that her brother and your son had passed. How do you get over something like this and how am I suppose to feel about his father and his fathers girlfriend?!!! Any suggestions or help would be grately appreciated.
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