He was the love of my life- - he WAS my life and I can't imagine living without him. He was first diagnosed 8 yrs ago and 3 yrs ago we found out it had spread to his liver and both lungs. I know this sounds like a long time to "prepare" for it but it was actually a long living hell. We tried to enjoy each minute we had left but for 3 years I grieved every day knowing I was losing him. In order to cope, I've basically pretended nothing was wrong --otherwise, I would have cried every time I looked at him. If my mind tried to think about it, I shut down and wouldn't let myself .Now , he's really gone and I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm going through the motions and putting up a good front for the kids, but I think I'm still blocking the reality. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if I will fall to pieces later or stay numb the rest of my life. I'm so lost without him. And,I have to admit I'm scared too. I was 19 when we met and now I'm 56. Don't even know if I will be able to live alone and handle everything by myself. I don't have a life without him. If it wasn't for the kids, I would have gone with him.
Posts You May Be Interested In
Good Afternoon to all of my sisters,I hope you all had a peaceful and Happy Thanksgiving. Here we go again with another holiday without our children. One of the hardest. This is supposed to be a happy and joyful time of the year but for many of us it's not. With the help and support of women who know the hurt we will survive. Please send each one of these moms an extra hug during this...
I like to believe all of our angels gather together to look down upon us so....When all of our angels gather this year for Christmas, what do you see your angel doing?Matthew would be sniffing all the food, reminding everyone how hungry he is and asking how much longer until the food is ready. After teasing the cooks, he would go harrass the little ones, tickle them and sniff their ears thinking...