He was the love of my life- - he WAS my life and I can't imagine living without him. He was first diagnosed 8 yrs ago and 3 yrs ago we found out it had spread to his liver and both lungs. I know this sounds like a long time to "prepare" for it but it was actually a long living hell. We tried to enjoy each minute we had left but for 3 years I grieved every day knowing I was losing him. In order to cope, I've basically pretended nothing was wrong --otherwise, I would have cried every time I looked at him. If my mind tried to think about it, I shut down and wouldn't let myself .Now , he's really gone and I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm going through the motions and putting up a good front for the kids, but I think I'm still blocking the reality. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if I will fall to pieces later or stay numb the rest of my life. I'm so lost without him. And,I have to admit I'm scared too. I was 19 when we met and now I'm 56. Don't even know if I will be able to live alone and handle everything by myself. I don't have a life without him. If it wasn't for the kids, I would have gone with him.
Posts You May Be Interested In
hi, guys!! I haven't been around for a long while, and I have a very sore shoulder tonight so I am going to just drop this by for now and hope to be back very soon!! This is an excerpt from my latest journal entry that I just wrote tonight: I have recently found a relatively new "thing" going around called EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, or just, "tapping" for short. I have found it to...
We seem to be getting a number of people, new members and people who don't seem to be bipolar either telling people to use "treatments" other than meds, implying meds aren't needed or that you can add further chemical based treatments (like herbal suppliments bought on the net) without discussing it first with a pharmacist, doctor or other proper medical practitioner.Jan and I are extremely...