He was the love of my life- - he WAS my life and I can't imagine living without him. He was first diagnosed 8 yrs ago and 3 yrs ago we found out it had spread to his liver and both lungs. I know this sounds like a long time to "prepare" for it but it was actually a long living hell. We tried to enjoy each minute we had left but for 3 years I grieved every day knowing I was losing him. In order to cope, I've basically pretended nothing was wrong --otherwise, I would have cried every time I looked at him. If my mind tried to think about it, I shut down and wouldn't let myself .Now , he's really gone and I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm going through the motions and putting up a good front for the kids, but I think I'm still blocking the reality. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if I will fall to pieces later or stay numb the rest of my life. I'm so lost without him. And,I have to admit I'm scared too. I was 19 when we met and now I'm 56. Don't even know if I will be able to live alone and handle everything by myself. I don't have a life without him. If it wasn't for the kids, I would have gone with him.
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