Feel like i have lived under so much stress for so many years where I have had to get on made decisions, do what has been needed to do survive. Twelve months ago this week we moved out of our family home and I moved to where I live now. He had no place to go was too busy drinking and was homeless, my elder son eventually found him in a pub and put him in a hotel for two weeks until we got something sorted. From that day until he died he took no responsibility for himself, he would not acknowledge we had split and that he had so much debts. All was sorted in one way and another and I started to enjoy my life albeit stress of phonecalls to say he had accident was in hospital etc. Then he was found dead and since then I don't know how to get on with my life. I am struggling to work full time and hate having to go out to work or anywhere else. I tried to go away this past week but ended up coming home early. I have to go to work tomorow and am so scared, feel I have lost grip on reality. Ashamed of my body as I have put on so much weight as not doing my normal exercise. Why is he still winning from the grave. Just feel so down and scared today. My life is mine now why can I not get on and enjoy it whilst I can. melx
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