Hello. I'm 24 years old with a 15 mo. old daughter and a baby on the way. Well on 9/19/2007, my husband (also 24 years old) was found dead by my father in our bedroom (about 10:30am). It is so devastating, I mean, at 7:30 am when I left for work, I had kissed him goodbye on the cheek like I did every morning and he was fine, snoring loudly!!! Then when my dad got home from work, well I got the call. The autopsy revealed nothing except that all his organs were perfectly fine!!! There were no drugs (i.e. cocaine, narcotics, etc). He was on bipolar medication and I did some research and am not liking what I am finding out about it. But I mean, I am devastated, I don't know what to do. I am so so so so so so lost. I try to look at pictures and that doesn't work. I have slowly drifted from my family because I am so depressed. And being pregnant, well this just isn't healthy being depressed like this (for myself and the baby). Everytime I look at my daughter I smile because I see him in her. But I can't sleep at night, I cry so much, I try talking to him through prayers but nothing is helping. I know it takes time for something like this to heal but I can't accept what happened, even after the funeral and cremation of his body. I can't accept it, I'm so pissed off at God for taking him away from me, my daughter and the one on the way. WHY!!! Everything was going so well, we were so so so happy together and we told each other that every day. But now it's just like, I'll never feel his touch again, or hear his voice again to cheer me up when I'm mad or sad, I don't get any of that. I want him back yet I know it's not going to happen. Why!! What do I do?? I can't keep living my life in this depression like this...I know my responsibility is the two kids (which I love very much, even though one is still in my tummy)...but I feel so empty without him. I feel like my life has just taking a nose dive into the deepest of blue seas. I never imagined I'd be doing this. I wasn't supposed to do this until me and him were old, gray, wrinkly, had great grand kids. Now...I'm just empty inside. Someone please help. Any advice? Words of wisdom?
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