My son was funny, handsome and physically active. He ran instead of walked. He worked as a carpet mechanic and played basketball after work. He developed a seizure disorder at 23 yrs and then we discovered he had IHSS which can cause sudden cardiac arrest. He had a defibrillator put in which went off whenever it felt like it.. With the defib and the medication for seizures he was no longer able to play ball or work. To him his life was over. I try so hard to understand. He shot himself when he was 31 yrs old. 3 yrs ago. He called the paramedics first so that i would not have to find him. I could not even be with him when they disconnected life support. Other members of my family were with him. I would have died too. It still is a crushing pain I cannot describe. The only way to live with it is not to allow myself to think of it.
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