On August 13, 2007 I watched my husband die in the hospital while I was holding him. He had been suffering for several days and the night before I had to give him permission to die. I felt that he was holding on for me and I did not want to see him suffer anymore. The death was unexpected, he went into the hospital with a urine infection and suddenly complications happened. He and I met in 1981 and we instantly fell in love with each other. We were the best of friends and did everything together. We did not have any children or family living near us, so we depended on each other. He was everything to me and I know that he felt the same way about me. Now, I feel so alone, so lonely, sometimes so desperate and in disbelief that I will never see him, hug him or talk to him again. I find that my family has difficulty talking to me because they are having trouble coping with their own grief about my loss and they all live far away. I also notice that the few friends that I have also feel traumatized about my loss and can't really help me. I have only one friend that lives in another state that has been calling me everday to see how I am and to encourage me. I feel that the pain gets worse with time as the reality sets in that he is gone. Does the pain ever subside?
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