People keep saying things will get better, but I actually hate that saying. Although, I know people mean well, I'd feel guilty if things actually get better. Some part of me never wants to forget the pain and become numb to the loss of my twin children. I am not sure I can actually heal from such pain, or if I want to since I am still here without them. I am not sure what phase of grief I am in, but somehow or another if things don't get better, I am thinking it is a punishment of some sort. Perhaps I feel like I should never feel better because they didn't make it. It sounds weird, but I went to the dentist today, which I actually hate, but felt that if there was anything painful I felt, I deserved it. I want to go back to life as usual, but I am not even sure what that is at the moment.
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