vent anytime....Yes, I too have had some major disappointments in the friend department. I thin its fairly common.

I also have had some disappointment with "friends"
but I have found friends too...
Real people who care..A post on DS once said...we can't expect caring from one who has no caring in them...I think we have to accept our grief and try to take as good care of ourselves as we can..We will never be the same..but there is a life for us if we can make it through another day...
One day at a time..and counting your blessings helps too...I find..Here is a big hug...and Please take care of Yourself.....Dinahlee

I also have flashbacks and it scares the ... out of me. i feel like my heart drops to my toes along with my stomach and i can't catch my breath.
The reason we have a place like DS is because people on the outside do not understand and are uncomfortable with death. We are all over the map with the grieving process, so don't bother trying to figure it out, cause once you do you will be in another place.

You can email me anytime. I am torn over the way I feel about friends. My friends were there for me all the way. After about 6 months I could see them pulling back but I asked myself the very real question, how long is too long? I still spill my guts to them once in a while but I find my written journal is better than talking and then I can read it over and over and figure things out. I think friends get uncombortable with it after awhile. Let them have peace.

We r here 4 u all the time! Vent all the time. People who never lost a child will never know or understand. We had a life altering event and yes it changes us. It is sad because with all the materials out there u think they would have sense to educate themselves. I too have had to deal with nonsense people. Stick to the ones who know what you are going through. God has you here 4 his reason and it is time to figure out what it is. May u have sweet dreams and god guide u through this difficult time. Lots of hugs and love.
Brenda

I have flashbacks as well. I found Scott. I have had surprises in the friend dept. One friend I had considered to be one of my closest did not even come over or attend the funeral. And yet another who I had had a falling out with a few years ago called. Several others check on me every couple of weeks. And, when my local friends are not around I know I can come here for some comfort and to reach out as well.

It seems we all have and will have friends who don't or can't deal with our issues. Here on DS I find strength and help when my friends back away. Keep on talking it does help and yes journaling does help me too.
God Bless

I didnt lose a child but my moms death was very disturbing to witness..I had the flashbacks etc...they will ease up with time but I would recommend talking with someone if they get to overwhelming..as for the friends thing...I would say most of use here have experienced this to some degree or another..grief is very difficult for most to deal with so they just stop coming around as opposed to comforting us....Thats why this is so great a place to come and talk..everyone here is always willing to listen

I agree - vent all that you need to. I learned a long time ago that the people who stayed when things got tough were my real friends. The grieving process is not a straight line. There are peaks and valleys and all we can do is hang on as hard as we can. I don't really believe in the "standard" 5 stages of grief. I believe that grief is more personal and that we go back and forth in our ability to process the loss that has occurred. I celebrate their lives no instead of mourning my loss. sometimes it is not for me to understand everything that goes on in this world. In peace.

Karin

My best friend in the entire world didn't come to either of my sons funeral. She was very close to my boys too, so I was surprised and hurt. However, I think it was too hard on her too. We still don't even talk about the boys. Most of my friends don't even talk about my boys, or get uncomfortable when I mention their names. I don't think they are being inconsiderate, now. They love me, and they loved my boys. They just don't know what to say or do. My one really good friend actually opened up to me one day. She said that she feels so guilty for having healthy kids, and my boys are gone! So, I think sometimes our friends just love us so much, they can't stand to see us hurt. I'm sure they have very good reasons. To be perfectly honest, they usually end up saying the wrong thing anyway. They do not and can not EVER understand our pain. That is why we have eachother! Barbara

Sweetie, I'm so sorry for you losses!! People just don't know what to say. It's like once the funerals are over, people go on with their own lives and forget about the grieving!!!!! Even a phone call would be nice. But, I agree that people just don't know what to say, and probably feel that saying nothing is better than saying the wrong thing and making you feel worse, if that possibly could happen. I'm here when you need to talk, anytime!!!

Chellk, i too have had a huge lack of friends at a time when i really needed it. Why do people just abandon you like that? really hurts because i dont know where to turn, but this site has really helped me.

Stick with us, we are here for you. xxx

Dear Chel:
You're not wrong feeling this way. Do you have any other children? Without reviewing your profile, I'm assuming that you've been left without your closest family members.

I feel abandoned (by a family member) for a different reason and by some who were close to me during Mom's illness. But I believe you owe yourself something - you're not wrong.

Have you told people that you're really in a place where you could use more support? In light of how close your lost loved ones were, I think you should tell those you feel abandoned by that while you're trying to move on, as best you can, their support is instrumental.

I wish I could put it in better words but I really think you should tell people how much you need them right now.

I'm learning, after Mom died how some people felt when they lost loved ones. After awhile, it never occurred to me that they might still need my phone calls, etc. I'm learning now but sometimes we need to be told. I would, if I were you.

I was majorly disappointed with my friends, and the friends of my daughter. My daughter passed away at the age of 9 in May of 2005.
Most people are unprepared to deal with someone whose loss is so deep. They are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing so they don't say or do anything and that in itself is very disturbing to those who hurt.
For the first 2 years I had no other men to talk to and I was miserable and felt so alone. I wish DS was there at that time.
I am very sorry for your losses and I hope that you will keep reaching out to those who have deep losses such as yours here on DS.
I will say a prayer for you today... that God will help you through.
God Bless You,

Tim (Jenaes Dad)
http://jenae.gallegos.home.att.net

I am so very sorry for your losses. I can understand what you mean about friends. I have mixed feelings most of the time. Sometimes they're around when I need them and sometimes I feel totally abandoned. I get really frustrated when I feel like they say the stupidest things trying to comfort me. The thing I try to remember, like other people have said, is that they don't have any idea what I'm going thru or how I feel and it's new ground for them too. Just as there's no plan that tells us how to grieve, there's not really a plan for them to learn how to help us either. As each person and each loss is different, so is each person's grief. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sons. Losing my Mom is about to tear me apart; I can't imagine losing one of my children. God bless and please post here often. Prayers your way,
Stacie