Today is six months to the day that Nina died. I want to remember her life, but my mind is drawn back to her death. I cannot talk about this to anyone as it is too awful. Nina's boyfriend phoned to tell me that she had collapsed. I rushed to the hospital with my youngest son and was told very quickly that there was no hope, however, they were taking her up to ICU to make her 'comfortable'. For three days I sat at her bedside, but she never responded. I imprinted her body into my mind as hard as I could. But, and this is the awful thing, a tube ran from her nose and gradually all this blood and brain tissue drained out. I just cannot get it out of my head, so I thought if I wrote it down it might release me from the horror of it. Also, when I opened her eyelids to see her sweet eyes for one last time, her pupils were fully extended and her eyes were 'empty'. My girl was gone. This is not really a discussion and please forgive me for writing it, but I just had to get it out, so that I can move on to remembering her as she was, not as she died.
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