It's just been over a year and for the last 2 months I been on self destruct. There's been a lot of stuff going on and I'll lose my father if it doesn't stop. I actively seeking help but I been afraid to cry b/c I don't think I'll ever stop. The self destruct mode is off I pray, and I got to one again take control of things b/c just that short time has taken a toll on pops. I know I can't take another loss at this time. It won't be till next month b4 I get into councling. I'm trying to get some faith back or at least open the door again. I guess it would been easier if I had a mate to help bring this out but that's just the way it is. The other night I had a night mare and a flash back of the last time I seen my mom in the hospital. HEEEELP?
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