I am not doing to well today on top of losing my dad last night today is the 3 month anniversary of my grandpa I am having a really hard day and I had a really hard night last night It has really hit me today that my dad died and is gone?! I am left with trying to figure out his funeral services and how he is going to come home to where I am. I am so lost upset and confused. I miss him so much. I had slept for a little bit last night but it was night mare after night mare and I couldnt sleep anymore. I just feel so empty and scared and dont know what to think. I have so much guilt on my plate right now knowing that I didn't get to see him one last time and a few days before he got sick and had his heart attack and went into his coma he had called me and I was able to answer my cell phone and I wish I could go back in time and wish I knew it was going to be the last time I was going to hear from him and just answer my phone. I didn't get to talk to him before he died and it is really tearing me apart inside. I was the last person who got a call from him and I couldnt even talk to him how horrible of a person I am! that I couldn't even be with him while he was sick and dying! I just am really hurting so bad right now and feel so alone. all I want is to feel my dads arms around me one more time and hear him say I love my baby girl one more time. I am so glad I happened to save his voicemail from the day he called me and it really hurts to hear his voice right now. it said in the voice mail HI baby girl just wanted to say hello and tell you I miss you and love you and cant wait to see you soon because I was supposed to go see him late feb or march. and then he said you will always be daddy's little girl I love you sweetheart. it just breaks my heart so much that I didn't get to talk to him and now its really over. I just dont know anymore! I dont know what to do. I cant do this.
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