I'm so sorry that you don't want to share this with your siblings, that must be really hard. For me, I know that my mom would not want me to be sad for her so on those days that should be remembered I always take some flowers to my moms grave and than I do something for her to celebrate. My sisters and I will usually go out to lunch and talk about our memories, or stay home and throw a party for her. That makes it much easier to get through those days and we try to make it good in her memory.

I so understand what you mean. Nothing will ever be the same. How can I go on celebrating when he is not here. In time, everything usually turns out to be JUST ANOTHER DAY.

Knowing that a feeling can't kill me doesn't help accept it any better. Feelings aren't rational and I can't reason it away. I just miss him terribly.

I still celebrate my daughters bday, sometimes i go alone, sometimes I go with my daughtr and husband, on her first bday, me and my daughter went to macroni grill, got bday cake with a candle and the waiter sang happy bday in ilalian, it was a very special moment for us, on the day she would have been 21, my husband had a drink in her honer, i was on some preety serious meds, for chronic pain, so i just had a diet coke, but we did a toast for her, I am sorry you don't have support from your family my thoughts and prayes will be with you.

I don't know what your situation is, but you have to ask yourself....is this what your dad would want you to do today? He knows that you would be missing him but I'm sure he doesn't want you to be misreable. Try to focus on all of the great times that you had with him....remember all of the good birthdays. I know it hurts, I've been there and still am.....you just have to try and stay strong and remember that your dad would not want you to be in pain all day....do something to celebrate the life that you had with him.

Dear Anne -
I'm sorry you can't share the mourning experience with siblings on your Dad's birthday. I have no siblings to share my Mom's 100th birthday, which will be one month from your Dad's - yes. Nov. 20th. She missed it by 2 months, and I don't know what to do. I miss her so.

I don't know what you planned for your Dad's b'day but I'd say plan to keep those "first" holidays low-key. We'll have enough unavoidable reminders during the holiday season to make the pain process difficult.

Rent the movie...
"What the Bleep do we Know." it will change the way you view death and life in general. This is not a sci-fi movie. It is fact. It makes the Theory of Quantum Physics understandable and ejoyable.

I also am so afraid of all the firsts. I was just watching t.v. and they said theres only 65 days till Christmas. I felt this really big lump in my throat and said I am never going to make it.

Hello, I'm working my way through the first year of the death of my daughter,and it's difficult too. Anger at the loss hangs heavy.If you feel the memorial service is hypocritical,don't go. But if you want celebrate your Dad's life for him and yourself,go, and make it so.

You honor it in your own way. It's sad when fammilies don't get along, but it happens. Your relationship with your dad should not be affected. Don't let it. Huggs Rainbow

My Mom died 2 days after her birthday so this year I will get hit with both, her birthday and death date at the same time.

People handle things different ways ... I personally don't plan to celebrate another holiday ever.

I'm so sorry about your dad. My Mom's birthday was yesterday, and it felt so strange not to have birthday lunch and dessert with her. I still miss her so much it hurts and special days like this seem to be worse. Another reason to be thankful for this site - you can share here when you don't feel you can share with your siblings. Blessings and Peace,

My mom's 50th birthday would have been on Halloween (next week). I feel disaffected by the holiday, and have not been able to put up any decorations or buy a costume, which I do every year. My brother and I are having a cookout with some of her friends this weekend. Hopefully it will help lessen the pain. My only advice is to surround yourselves with loved ones; tell them you need them.

Christmas, Mother's Day...I have no idea how I will deal with those days. It is going to be a challenge for sure. I am thinking of traveling at Christmastime to not be surrounded by memory triggers.