I don't know why I am here, only that I don't know where else to be, I am confused, still in a state of shock and feeling that this will never end, the pain is raw, and and i have three children who miss their dad that I cant stand to see them suffer like I am, I stood at my husbands grave today and at the age of 37 begged him to come back, knowing that he will never come back,what else am I to do in a world where I thought I knew where everything was and was settled to utter devistation, peices scattered all around and nothing as it should be, grief is a series of stages isn't it?....somebody tell me when my tears will stop falling and i will stop expecting him to walk through the door, tell me how to get through christmas and how to pay the bills and keep life moving when all I want to do is stop and rewind. one day at a time works if you know that tommorow will be better, but it dosnt get better you just hide it better. What do you do when your world has gone?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??