I always knew when this time would come that I would be devastated and that a part of me would die along with my dad (he passed away Feb. 3rd unexpectedly), but now that it is real I don't know how I will ever get through this. I know I am changed forever by it and this hollow emptiness I feel will never be filled again. It is amazing to me how you question what life really is all about when you lose someone so precious to you. How can life be so cruel? Why is it that we as humans love someone so much only to lose them and have to go through so much pain? And knowing this pain firsthand now and seeing my mom going through what she is going through, it only makes it worse knowing that my husband will go through this as well one day, or I will go through it if he dies before me. And knowing the pain that my 4 children will suffer one day when we pass away...it all is just so heartwrenching. I am sorry to just go on and on but I am only trying to grasp all of what I am feeling and right now I feel more sadness and disillusioned with life than anything.
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