i have experienced a lot of loss in the past 2 years. Mother died, brother died, and recently lost the love of my life. My relationships with people are suffering as a result of it. I thought/believed the sadness/severe anguish would dissipate with thime and if "i was strong" and if i "didn't feel bad", and if i replaced the loss with new relationships, and if I kept busy, I thought/hoped the grief would go away on its own. That's how lay people told me it would work.

But, time has passed, and well, I don't feel any better. I feel worse, since MORE loss has occurred.

In fact, yesterday, I felt really horrible, thought about why i even need to live.

Then, I met with a friend/acquaintance and we shared a meal, and I felt better. Being around people does lift my spirits. But that is VERY short-lived. I don't like being by myself because of it.

The Bottom line is that I need to face my 'demons' (the grief) and come out smarter with more tools/techniques under my belt.

I have tried a grief support group, but talking about them (the people I lost) over and over again -- with strangers mind you -- just makes me feel worse.

I want a more 'aggressive/direct' intervention, so I am considering a Grief Recovery Program. They have an INTENSE 3 Day workshop as well as a slower-paced 12 week workshop.

I want to do the 12 week workshop bc I don't want to be overwhelmed emotionally in such a short period of time. Intense emotions like that can cause shock to the body, etc.

And, I did find a 12 week workshop that I can join Immediately. (I would have only missed one meeting (last week) and could join them starting next week.)

Well, I'm in a crisis, so I won't nick-pick about having missed 2 hours of it.

Anyway, there are TWO problems.

The woman leading/teaching the workshop is affiliated with a church that I used to attend, which I'm not fond of. I went there during the beginning of my grief, when my mother died, to reach out for help, in my sorrow. However, I didn't find what I needed. I found the church leaders NOT ABLE TO MINISTER to my hurting/empty soul. They were selling their "Jesus" to me and preaching and asking me to donate money to THEIR church, to help them with THEIR career.

They were just very rigid and their rigidity only exasperated the hurt/emptiness.

I left the church in anger and disappointment, and really don't find religion helpful, but more hurtful.

Now, I have my own brand of 'church' at home, without the religious label. I find religion to be more controlling rather than liberating, which is what draws a person closer to God. Anyway....

So, the dilemma is that the leader of the Grief Intervention Program is a member of the church and advertises it in her brochure. Do you think I would still benefit from it? Keep in mind that The program does cost a lot!!! Hundreds of dollars.

Also, the training center where the Facilitator/Instructor/Specialist got trained at is really kind of on the rude side. If I had problems, who would I complain to?

As you can see, I have a dilemma. Please tell me what YOU would do if you were in my shoes, in a crisis.

P.S. If you have found OTHER avenues of recovery from grief, please share. Other books, other forms of therapy perhaps. THank you so much.