My brother, Sanders, who was 15 months older than me, died on Tuesday at 41 years old. He had a completely unexpected heart attack, and they found him on the street... dead... all alone. I have a sister, who is a wreck, as I am. I have not told my 3 young daughters (8, 6, 3 ) because I want to wait until Christmas is over. I have told them that I am sick. I can manage to get through parts of my day, but then I break down, sometimes in hysteria. I miss him so much that every part of my body hurts. I am in a deep hole, and see no light. I can\'t understand why. I can\'t understand where he is. I was raised Catholic, but can find no comfort. I have begged him to give me a sign that he is ok. I have stayed up all night some nights waiting. I need to know if he is ok. How do I go on without my brother!?? Please, can someone give me some advice, or something to cling to? I feel so lost and alone.
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