Spet. 20th will be a year since I lost my 9 week old son. It will be a year since I kissed him goodnight, a year since I nursed him, a year since I held him close, a year since I hugged him, a year since he smile at me, a year since I changed his butt, gave him a bath, or told him how much I love him. A year. it feels like he left me yesterday. His passing was very traumatic. It was exactly like a SIDS case, only a few months later we got a cause of death. Which angered me more. He could have been treated with antibiotics. The docs just didnt listen. I took him three times, and three times they sent me home, with a clean bill of health for him. Even two and a half days before he died, gave him a clean bill of health and his vaccinations. He passed away of respiratory failure in his bassinette due to interstitial pneumonitis. Which origionated from the cold he had weeks before. But, he was not sick according to the docs, he has allergies. Because there was no fever, they called it allergies. I am not sure I am ready for that day. for his one year anniversary of death. He was my life, my whole world revovled around him. His daddy was in Iraq, so it was just me and Jakob. We lived with my parents at the time until my husband came home, but it was still me and my boy. Things are changing so fast now. his little brother is due to be here early Dec. I have been told I have to let go of the anger before he arrives. How do you let go of anger when it is someone's fault your son died. Your helpless baby boy... How am I supposed to be fear free knowing that it could happen to anyone, anytime. I miss him, and I am just so unsure of everything right now. I am sure my hormones and anxiety have a lot to do with it, but I am scared none the less.
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