I would like to Thank Everyone for all of the messages asking if I'm all right. I don't come on here much anymore because I seem to get real upset when I do. i have had a real rough time. Alot of suicide thoughts. The only thing that has stopped me is my 2 kids. I live for them. They are the most important things in my life and I dont want them to feel an once of the pain I have since I lost my momma. I know one day they will but I want it to be because of natural causes not me being stupid. It seems like the harder I try the worst things get. I'm not just talking about grief I'm talking about life in general. It seems like every obstacle that can get in the way has gotten in the way. The depression has gotten so bad my Dr. put me on Lexapro and Caloxipan plus sent me to a theropist. I still have good and bad days. My husband tries to help but sometimes I feel like he makes things worse. Like the other night I was having a hard time and he was telling me momma was better off shes not suffering anymore. i told him that at that very second i didnt want to hear that. Thats not stopping the pain of me wanting my momma and her not here. So the next morning he tells me hes not saying anything to me because I dont want to hear anything he has to say. He had a brother that died in July 2002. He told me that when his momma starts crying and throwing her pitty party in a couple of weeks I better not say anything. I told him yea and his brother has been dead for 5yrs. from taking an overdose of drugs.( he died from a pain med. overdose but the also found crack and other drugs in his system). and my momma died from complications from diabeties 6months. ago. Theres a big difference. But he acts like I cant cry over momma or be depressed. When I am he says stuff like "I said the wrong thing " or " I shouldnt have done that" he just makes me feel worse. so i just keep everything inside now and try not to do things i know that will make me upset. When I come on here I have to think about all those pains in my heart of losing momma and I dont want to give him any reason to make me feel worse. I still love all of you. Thank You for all the hugs and suport. I will be back from time to time. Yall take care "HUGS and KISSES" to all of you.
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