Three weeks ago i watched my friend get murdered. I was the only witness. Last week the murderer posted bail. I have done everything you're supposed to do: gone to the funeral, talked to her family, talked about what I saw and how I feel, gotten a new car, taking self defense, notified school, faced my fears, being chaperoned, etc.... Someone is always with me and yet I have never felt more alone. My family and boyfriend are getting tired of listening to me talk about this (they dont say it but I can see it). My friends don't know what to say and neither do my former coworkers so they all just stand around awkwardly and i feel more ostracized than I already do. The people who were there after the shooting say that I can talk to them but I have so much frustration towards them for being useless...how can i talk to them. I have never felt so alone or felt so pressured to deal with something I just don't know how to handle. i tried talking to a grief counselor but she pretty much told me that I took up time in her life. kinda left a bitter taste in my mouth. I just...i just want to know how to deal...how to feel...how to cope...who to talk to...just lots of things I guess. I hate feeling so vulnerable and alone....
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