Sometimes I feel extremely low and want to be alone. I lost my dad in march of this year, two days after my mums birthday and just one month after my friend committed suicide.

I can go days and be the happiest I have ever been, enjoying my life and such but then bang I suddenly get hit with a wave of sadness. I have 2 photos in my room of my dad and I sometimes talk to them when I feel sad. I miss him so much. I also paid for a memorial stone for him too so I could go and speak to him if I wanted to.

I feel sadness but sometimes I feel guilt. I feel guilt because I dont think of him everyday or go to his memorial stone every week to put up fresh flowers. I feel like I am failing him as a daughter because I am too involved in college to go to his memorial stone, or because its too cold to go.

I miss him the most when I think how he will never meet my husband (when I finally get married) or he wont be there to walk me down the isle or give my husband to be permission for my hand in marriage he wont be there to see me graduate from college or become a professional nail technician (my dad loved manicures) he wont be there to meet his future grandchildren etc. and it makes me really sad.

Stupid things like people talking about muscles, or lorry drivers, or just hearing certain music puts a big black cloud over me because my dad died of Motor Neurone Disease and he was a driver all his life. I am glad he is not suffering now though.

I just hope he knows I love him, and I hope one day he will realise I can become something that he can be proud of because I would hate for him to keep believing I am a failure.