Well over the years since I have lost my daughter I have noticed a pattern with myself. In how I treat others. Especially men, I have this thing in my head that men are evil. Yet here I am married to one. I have a wonderfull husband I really do. All he wants for me is to be healthy and happy. All I give him for it is grief. I said some really nasty things to him the other day and then accually forgot I said them. He looked at me like I had lost my mind when I asked him for some affection. I didn,t get it. Now I know. The words I had said to him in my own selfish anger cut through him as if I had stabbed him with a knife. Now he hurts to. Thats what the bad part of me wanted was for someone to hurt to. And don,t mistake that people when you hurt someone because of your pain. That is a bad part of you. A part you really need to work on losing cuzz it does you no good. I know when you grieve you lash out at times. But its wrong you shouldn,t do it. EVER. no matter how bad the pain is for you never make someone else suffer with you. I pity no one who does it. Because I don,t pity myself for it. Its selfish and cruel. Now that said. For anyone who has been were I am. Who got past it. You know then that sorry at this point after you have done it so many times it just aint good enough. I need some advice how do I tell my wonderfull husband who has taken care of me and stood by me that I,m sorry without ever saying a word?
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