I really dont think you are a bad person.
You cannot make an effort for feeling things, emotions just come, dont fight them or hide them.
If you are punishing yourself for feeling bad for some person and for not feeling that bad for this other person, your pain will be worse.
I suggest you should let the emotions flow. Talk with friends, relatives, with me if you want or other members, over and over about what you feel, dont mix your emotions of beeing bad person... just talk about what you feel for your lost. Let the emotion flow but dont let it take you with it, let it flow outside.

I'm Glad I found you. My parents died less than a year ago, Then I lost an unborn baby. A good friend of mine just lost her little girl (Whom I love) and then a good friend died. I don't know who to grieve first, or who to miss most. I sometimes feel like missing one is a betrayal of another. I guess you just keep moving on.

First of all I try very hard not to think in terms of I lost... My grandmother, mother and daughter all passed in 2006. Many have lost much more so I can't compare my feelings to anyones. I know that when my grandmother passed I felt sad but was grateful she had her dignity back. When my mother passed I cried and felt very sad but I was glad she was not hurting any more. I wanted them both back for me but for them I could accept that it relieved them of a lot of pain and loss of independence and dignity which happens so terribly to so many as they age. Unfortunately during the time my mother was coming to the end of her earthly life my daughter was in very real trouble due to substance addiction she was using to mask being bipolar and having severe anxiety. I too have gone through feelings of guilt about not mourning my mother enough. I can't really help what I feel except to accept it the best I can. If not for my own sake for their sake. Just as I love them they love me and want me to go on. I will miss their earthly presence and many others until I join them but I do believe they still exist and I am grateful.

I agree, you should not feel guilty. You will grieve for each of your losses differently. I have lost three very important people in my life and my grieving was different for each one depending on the circumstances.

you may think that you are only grieving for one person, but you are really grieving for 2 somewhere deep inside. i am sure your tears are for both whether you truly believe it or not. you are not a bad person.

we all grieve differently and there is no wrong or right way. do it your way and don't let any one tell you that you are doing it wrong.

we are here for you.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}
Jan

I am attending a grief support group and I am learning we not only grieve for the loss of each person, but also for each aspect of our life that they touched. I lost my mom (63) almost a year ago and she was also: a best friend, a gardening enthusiast, a shopping buddy, garage sale buddy, my go to person for cooking questions. I miss every one of those things I shared with her and tons more. I will have to grieve each one as they will all be missed. She was so like me or me like her that it's almost funny. She had cancer and was in great pain. She
is in a better place. Her quality of life was not there in the end. We knew she didn't want to live like that anymore. I am so not looking forward to the anniversary date this week Thursday! What can one do to ease that day? My dad and my sister live close too. If you have any suggestions on how to spend the day or honor the memory of my mom please share. Thanks

AND YOUR EMOTIONS WILL BE A ROLLERCOASTER FOR A WHILE AND ONE DAY YOU WILL CRY AND CRY FOR YOUR AUNT AND MAYBE IT WILL BE SOON, WHO KNOWS!YOUR GOING THRU A GREAT GEPRESSION AS I DID AND ITS A HURT THAT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE,I PRAY YOU DON'T SINK INTO THIS DEPRESSION ANYMORE THAN WHAT YOU ALREADY ARE.I ALSO WENT THRU THE SAME THING YOU DID BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT.I NEVER TOLD ANYONE AND IT STILL HURTS.KEEP YOUR SELF BUSY THAT WAY YOU WON'T THINK OF IT ALL THE TIME.
TAKE CARE

I am new here, first of all I am very sorry for your losses, I do not think I ever fuly grieved for my infant daughter I lost over 6 year ago, we have to do this in our own timing not others, in time you will grieve for your aunt. It takes so much time. There is no handbook out there on how to grieve. Sometimes I think there should be.

Do not feel guilty in time you will grieve. Just give yourself the time.

And No you are not a bad person because you have not let all the emotions out.

This is such a time consuming thing for us!

Don't feel guilty. One trauma is hard enough to digest, but two is doubly hard. Your mind and body will need some time just to completely recognize the implications of their deaths, and then to begin greiving. It wouldn't shock me if you could only grieve one at a time (unintentionally of course). Just go with the flow, do what you can. That's all you can do.

I am so sorry, smoody. It is OK not to feel for your aunt right now. You need to work on what is most immediate and traumatic concern for you first, and you can only take so much at one time.
Just give yourself all the time and space to sort things out you need. And don't plan on expecting too much of yourself for quite a while, if you have to.
Others around you often expect you to recover before you are ready, even with only one to grieve for.
We are here for you everyday.

I wish that I could tell you.
I'm still trying to figure it out. On January 3 of this year i lost my mother and just 10 days ago I gave birth to my first born and lost her. I just dont know what to say think or how to deel anymore.

SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR LOSS, MY FATHER IN LAW DIED FIRST THEN MY MOM WAS MURDERED 30 DAYS LATER,ALSO MY GRANDPA DIED 3WEEKS LATER TEHN A BEST FRIEND ONE WEEK AFTER THAT, SO I DONT KNOW, I JUST TOOK ONE DAY AT A TIME I STARTED WRITING FEELINGS DOWN THAT SEEMED TO HELP ME ALITTLE, GO TO GREVENICE COUNCILING SOMEWHEERE AT A CHURCH OR SOMETHING IT WILL HELP YOU GRIEVE YOUR LOSSES, AND THAT IS IMPORTANT TO ACT ON IT SOON AND NOT HOLD IT IN. I HOPE THIS HELPS SOME.

However you grieve it is the correct way. There is no right way.
Grief comes from inside us and we have no control over it.
Phyllis

No you are not a bad person because I am going through the same thing. I lost my husband,two aunts and a granson along with several friends last year all in a 3month period. I am still trying to grieve all the losses I have had. I just take one day at a time and try to deal with things when they come up. Hang in teir we are all here for you

I can so understand how you feel. When I read your post I felt some connection. From Feb 1st- Feb. 22nd I have lost my Grandmother,My Uncle. My Dog and found out my Granfather is dying from terminal cancer. All of these were on different days. All within the same house, except my dog. I too do not know were to even start. My prayers go out to you.