None of us are ever the same...
I wish I could tell you that there was a easy way, a fast forward, but there isn't.
You only have to get through the next minute, then the one after that...you have to let yourself feel all those feeling, its important to honor them and let it all flow for a while...it will get different, I promise you that

Your world can't be the dame, Dear, but it will get better. I lost my sons almost 2 years ago and every day I cry about something, some memory. Crying helps and it hurts. If you are a christian prayer can help. Don't expect the pain to just go away and you to get on with your life, happy and carefree. That doesn't happen for a while. Don't let anyone tell you that you should feel better now. Grief takes time and has several stages and you have to grieve in your own way. If you can't alk to freinds or other loved ones come here, there will be someone to listen. Please don't be ashamed of grief. It is natural process. Take some pleasure in the memories and don't let someone push you into turning to another until and if that time comes for you. My little daughter-in-law has well meaning friends who want her to think of dating and she gently tells them to mind their own lives and let her live hers. Please talk to others who have lost loved ones. It helps. B.J

i am going to tell you something, i hope it helps. i am going to PROMISE you that, even tho the pain seems unbearable now, and as a widow, twice in my life, i know what its like at the beginning...but i promise you that it will NOT always feel this unbearable..i promise..this rawness WILL subside, it really does. i promise, it will take its own time, but it WILL not always be like it is now. much love, and i promise, marianne, joeys mom.

Thanks

You and I are at the same stage I believe. After 34 years and my only partner I cannot imagine how I am going to go on. LIke you I have great family and friends but nothing matters to me anymore. The stores playing the Christmas music is driving me crazy. I am trying to take minute by minute but I am totally mentally and physically exhausted. Seeing other couples makes it even worse. I guess all we can do is talk to each other because we are the only ones that know what it is truly like. How long were you married?. How old are your children?.

I FEEL THE SAME WAY AS YOU. I LOST MY HUSBAND JUNE 2007. AND I WATCH PEOPLE AS IF THE WHOLE WORLD SHOULD STOP BECAUSE I LOST MY HUSBAND BUT THATS NOT HOW IT IS. I GUESS NOTHING BUT TIME MAY TRULY HEAL US. BUT DONT GIVE UP HOPE

It is beyond me how we get through this kind of extraordinary pain and loss, but it is possible and it does subside in time. I don't think we ever will be the same but in some ways the experience of deep grief makes us depend more on our inner strengths and pull from places within our souls that we never even knew exisited. It was and still is like that for me. I felt that everyone in the world had "moved on" and I was left behind to deal with this unspeakable and unimaginable loss, but eventually I began to reach out to others and take comfort in family and friends again...they sort "saved" me. It's been 16 months (tomorrow) since my husband died. I know that he would have wanted me by now to embrace the positive aspects of my life and to find the joy in living rather than just "exisisting." He made me promise him that I would hold on to my positive spirit and outlook on life. I have wonderful memories of our life together (I went through the Costco thing, too) and I while my memories make me sad sometimes, they now mostly are a source of great comfort. I also have had the help of a psychologist who I continue to see and that is another reason I was able to survive the last 16 months.

I wish you support and comfort. This is a great site with so many lovely people and we are all struggling with similar issues. I have found that while our circumstances may all be different, the process that we are all going through is often the same and it does ease up with time.

Love,

JennyLee

God, this sounds like me.. I just lost my husband, and father of our 11 month old son, suddenly, and i too am having an extremely hard time.. Know that you're not alone, and there's aways someone to talk to..

Speaking for myself I think that maybe I feel so dishoriented and unfocus is because my identity was tied to Tino and our marriage. I will try to honor his memory by being productive like he was and doing for others. I cannot change how I feel, and probably I do not want to anyway, this pain is normal but I can incorporate his memory into my life in a positive way, by helping others.

Time is the only true healer. We can be happy again but not the same. I try to take it one day at a time: the future without our loved ones is too bleak. I know having a job helps some, God is there. One of my favorite quotes is" No valley goes on forever. God will mitigate the tears when there work is done. There will be an end."

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my mum 15 months ago now and I do understand the pain and the comments you make. For me the world is less colourful and joyful still, and I dont think the colour will ever come fully back. However I do now have albeit, brief, moments of happiness and these some how are just enough to keep me going. Just cope with getting through the next minute, hour, day... Life will never be the same but somehow time really does help but take it at your own pace.

I wish you all the best

You can't fast forward through the pain. You have to somehow learn to live with it. It will be one year Oct.21 when our son was kidnapped, tortured, shot, and burned in our car in a remote area. We try to live in the present, one day at a time. Unfortunately we now have to contend with the trials of the three murderers. I don't expect to have any peace until we are done with that....but we have to go on for our other son and all who love us. Don't worry about the future, just try to get through today. I feel your pain. D

Rose said it... Life will never be the same... but then nothing ever stays the same no matter the reason for the change.

We are here... we can appreciate being alive... Don't know quite how, yet...

Losing my husband was an even greater blow than losing other family members who I loved dearly. But, I somehow know that eventually I'll be on an even keel again.

Still, I will miss his physical presence all the days of my life - and I will be grateful for the time we had together on this earth - and I will be glad when my time comes to join his spirit.

In the meantime... I will do what I need to do to live and to live with an appreciation for all the good in my life, esp. my DS friends.

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you an easy way to get through it but there just isn't. I lost my youngest daughter almost 18 years ago. Things are much better now though I do still have some bad days. All I can tell you is that all you have to worry about right now is how you will get through today, this hour, for me it was this second. You will be able to enjoy your children again, but it will take time. If you feel like crying - cry, if you feel like screaming - scream, if you feel like laughing - laugh. Just don't keep it bottled up. It will get easier.

you will go on because we just know we have to, and you know what? its the nature of life that something WILL HAPPEN to change things for you. it might not be what you expect, or even in the CATEGORY you imagine. it might be something you never imagined yourself being involved with, or catching your interest, or NEEDING YOU! i promise you something will happen to bring different meaning to you. until that time comes, is the time you have to go through, to heal and to build strength for life's next thing. and in THIS CRUCIAL time of pain and battling to survive, is the time when we, who are all in unbearable pain, and fear, help and support and be friends and strength for each other