(*(*(*Sending huggs*)*)*) It sounds like you are doing all you can, and have a wonderful attitude about it all. Perhaps you could contact a Hospice in your area. They ghave lots of good reading material on such tings. Huggs, Rainbow

you are amazing and my heart goes out to you. my mom died on mothers day... at first i thought that that was the worst day ever for her to pass away on... but you know what.... it was her day... it was ment to be. she passed away in hospice. and i will say this. we, myself, my sister and dad tried to take care of my mother for about 3 months... she could not walk on her own and was basically dependent on us to do everything for her. i am going to be quite blunt right now... but my mom wanted to stay at home as long as she could.. but it was hell for us. it was soooo very hard to have to take care of her that way... feed her, get her dressed, carry her to the bathroom, and to then have to deal with watching her pass away... it was too much. the best time and the time that i have been able to have the best memories was when we finally took her to hospice and we could just "be with her". not have to cook and care for her. we could just sit and hold her hand and not have the stress of her depending on us to care for her. so..... my advise....like the previous reply... contact or look into a hospice, or a service that will come into you home to help with your care. you will help your family but allowing them to "be with you", love you and be able to remember the last "good times". take care.
ps, my mom was a spit fire too... she fought her cancer till the very end, she never gave up. she battled it for 3 years and they said that she only had 3 months. give her a hug from me when you make it to heaven.

Hello Rosey, I am honored to know about you. My sister-in-law has the same situation with her breast cancer as you. She has inflammatory breast Ca, And we just found out it has spread again. Her sense of peace and love is like a magnet, we love being with her.

So sorry to hear this. I think you have a great attitude and are very clear on what you want. There is no easy way to leave loved ones. They are gonna hurt and hurt bad. But don't feel you have to hang on for them. Let go and let God. Bless your heart. Sending love and hugs your way. Jan

Through it all you are still most concerned with your family(seems to me) I think they are lucky to have u. I was thinking about your question about leaving them and I thought that maybe you can address a letter to each member of your family or perhaps a video? Or if you guys have any music you enjoy listening to together perhaps make a special cd,just somethin to remind them of the good times and that you are always going to be in their heart. Hope maybe this gives you an idea of just some little things that may mean alot in the future.

You could be my mother, your statistics are almost identical..married for 41 years, 3 kids and 3 grandchildren......your story has brought me to tears...My mom left us in May and even though I am sad and sometimes angry that cancer took her from us when she was on 69 and she will not get to see my son grow up , what I can say is that we left NOTHING unsaid...even those things that were unpleasant ( I asked her if she loved my brother more than she loved me etc....long story there but suffice to say I needed to know the answer) The one thing that didnt happen was I wish my mom would have left me a final letter or a video..but she never gave up on being determined that she would go on living so it isnt something she would have done...I am so overwhelmed with tears at this moment that I cant type any more...God Bless you

you are amazing woman! my prayers and my heart go out to you.

Rosey-

First, you have my warmest hug of peace and joy for you. I am deeply sad that you have to face this.

I lost my mom in July and I am going to answer your question as though it had been my mom who had asked it before she died (which she had known for about a year). I know this might sound overly full of my own neediness, but she had done all the right paperwork, the right arrangements, but I felt and still feel so much that her pride and sense of dignity kept her from just being my mom and talking to me as a mom of a daughter.


My mom was strong, independent and fiercely private. And she taught each of her children to be that way. But in the end, part of the grief I am feeling is that she was not able to talk to me woman to woman before she died. She kept saying, "baby, when we die, we die. I have given you all the teachings I have. Please don't cry, I am ok and you will be ok." She would get very upset if we cried around her. She would say "none of that, we have known this was coming."

But if I could have had the ideal words from her, they would have been something like this: " We have known that this time would come, but it does not take away how badly it hurts you. I am not afraid to die, but I am sorry to be leaving you. While I know you are strong and smart and resilient, I do not expect you to feel that way for some time. Feel what you feel. I forgive you for anything that you think you may have ever done to me. None of that matters. Know one thing: I love you and nothing in this world including my death will ever take away the fact that you are my baby and my heart. Be happy, live your life and never ever forget that love does not die. And on the days you need it most, sit quietly and listen to some of "our" music or go for a walk in the gardens we love, play in the rain, and know that from the day you were conceived I have loved you and that will not end. I am glad to have been your mother and I am proud that you are my daughter. Live and love. And never forget that you will never be alone, I am always going to be in your heart and you in mine. I love you for who you are and I am proud of the woman you have become. Now, let's just lie next to one another the way we did when you were a baby, because you will always always be my baby. Let's be quiet and lie here in the most perfect of places, heartbeat to heartbeat, the same love in two people. Do not mourn for too long, instead run out into life and spread the love and happiness that you have. Now, shh baby, let's just be together."

Anyway, that is just my own input, it sounds to me that you are doing things exactly right and I agree that the hospice people can help. As for me, you just helped me get something out I had not released in these past weeks. No matter how old you get, as long as your mom is alive, you are someone's child . I miss that so much.

Rosey, bless you on your journey and as we Irish say, may your love never die, but let it shine as a rainbow of joy in all the lives you have touched.

Caroline

The one other thing I can add is my mom told me that I was not to feel guilty If I felt a sense of relief when she did finally die..She knew that the end was going to be painful and that I would most likely pray at some point for God to end her suffering ( and I did..I knelt at her bedside during that last day when the pain was unbearable for her and I prayed with all my heart for God to stop the pain)

You can let your husband and children know that if your suffering is great that wishing for you to be out of pain is not wrong..it is the right thing to do..

Bless your heart mummy Rosey,i appreciate your sharing but i want to assure you that our God is able to make a way. He has never failed those who trust solely in Him even when there is no way out. He gets on the scene.
Rosey,God wish that all things go well with you and that you may be in Good Health (3 John 2).
Reading your message made me thought about my mum and ask how she can leave me without any pain? Then i said this is not possible for mum to die before her appointed time.My joy will only be after she's live all her life to the full without any premature death.
God has healed you already speak to the disease and see God do a miracle in your life (Exodus 15: 26) for God is your healer.
This is not how He intends for you to leave this world just as king Hezekiah did in 2Kings 20 i challenge you do the same and a miracle will spring forth. The manufracturer of your being know what to do to fix you up so believe that all, all, all things are POSSIBLE with God. My pray is with you. I see you overcome what report you have recieved in Jesus name. God bless you

Rosey,

God will take care of your family as he is taking care of you. I will keep you in my prayers.

Give everyone a great big hug....my father passed away 7 months ago, and above all else, I just want to give him one of those "too tight" hugs that we didn't give to eachother anymore in the end...There are lots of thigs you could say or try and do, but nothing can really make the pain we feel with losing a loved one more bearable...so I think the most quiet, profound thing you could do for your loved ones is give them the biggest, tightest, warmest hug you can possibly give. Much love - Ashley

Hi My name is Diane, I care for my Mom who also has bone cancer.. According to all she should have passed 3 years ago.. she is living with cancer.. We never know for sure how much time we have on earth.. I think you have a wonderful attitude and a zest for life.I am here if you would like to chat.. I do agree Hospice has some great material.. Much Love D

Rosey, you are doing everything you can. I am honored to read your post, as my mother passed in July from brain cancer. She did everything she could to stay alive for me and my brother. You are so brave. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to ease the pain your family will feel when you are gone. Perhaps you can encourage them to seek grief counseling once you're gone. They may assume that their pain will be lessened by the fact that you will no longer be suffering, but this is so far from the truth. Tell them to reach out when they start to miss you. Tell them everything you ever wanted them to know. If they can't listen, write it down for them. Take advantage of your mental abilities now. My mother was mostly mindless for the months before her death, and it made communication difficult. But at the end, she asked us to lay with her as she took her last breaths. Being with her at the end was the most beautiful gift I received from her death. I wish you all the best. You are an amazing being.

Hello,

I don't think you can prepare anyone for what they will experience and each person in the family will be different, but I would say since you have the chance leave them some things that you would like them to do for you when your gone. For example my sister died suddenly in July my biggest hurt has been not knowing if I'm doing things right for her. I help out w/ her 3 kids but there was not time for her to leave anything to tell us what she would of liked done. We planted a tree in her memory but where to plant it at her house at my mom's house, we didn't know the right spot? Maybe you could leave some of these things behind that you'd like done and they will get relief in their pain by carrying out your wishes. My thoughts are with you.