
Bereavement Support Group
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deleted_user
Hello Everyone,
I was diagnosed with brest cancer around 5 years ago. With the help of my family and friends we beat this disease. It took 1 year, a mastectomy, radiation treatment and chemo. The cancer was malignant, and after a few years I felt that we may be in the clear.
After about 4 years, I started experiancing pain all over. After bloodwork, and allot of tests we found cancer again. This time the cancer was not only on my Breast but also on my Ovaries, Bones, and Kidneys.
With the help of my Husband, we decided that it would be best not to persue anymore operations. I am on Chemo and Radiaton, to extend my life for as long as I can. I am also on Fentanyl patch for pain to reduce any more damage to my stomach that occured as a result of a life long fight with Fibromyalgia.
The doctors say I should be dead now, but this stubborn old lady aint given up without a fight!
Everyone tries to be upbeat, and they love and baby me so much. I am not afraid for I will be in gods hands, when all is done. I just dont want to be there when my time comes.
I want to fight this, but deep down I know that my time has come. I am trying to prepare my family and especially my husband for this loss. We have been married for over 32 years, have 3 Children and 3 Grand Children. I am so happy I have been blessed to see my last Grand Child born.
My time is short, and I want to leave my family with the least amount of pain possible. We have put everything we can in order, but I need advice on how loved ones have left gracefully.
Love,
Rosey
I was diagnosed with brest cancer around 5 years ago. With the help of my family and friends we beat this disease. It took 1 year, a mastectomy, radiation treatment and chemo. The cancer was malignant, and after a few years I felt that we may be in the clear.
After about 4 years, I started experiancing pain all over. After bloodwork, and allot of tests we found cancer again. This time the cancer was not only on my Breast but also on my Ovaries, Bones, and Kidneys.
With the help of my Husband, we decided that it would be best not to persue anymore operations. I am on Chemo and Radiaton, to extend my life for as long as I can. I am also on Fentanyl patch for pain to reduce any more damage to my stomach that occured as a result of a life long fight with Fibromyalgia.
The doctors say I should be dead now, but this stubborn old lady aint given up without a fight!
Everyone tries to be upbeat, and they love and baby me so much. I am not afraid for I will be in gods hands, when all is done. I just dont want to be there when my time comes.
I want to fight this, but deep down I know that my time has come. I am trying to prepare my family and especially my husband for this loss. We have been married for over 32 years, have 3 Children and 3 Grand Children. I am so happy I have been blessed to see my last Grand Child born.
My time is short, and I want to leave my family with the least amount of pain possible. We have put everything we can in order, but I need advice on how loved ones have left gracefully.
Love,
Rosey
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First, you have my warmest hug of peace and joy for you. I am deeply sad that you have to face this.
I lost my mom in July and I am going to answer your question as though it had been my mom who had asked it before she died (which she had known for about a year). I know this might sound overly full of my own neediness, but she had done all the right paperwork, the right arrangements, but I felt and still feel so much that her pride and sense of dignity kept her from just being my mom and talking to me as a mom of a daughter.
My mom was strong, independent and fiercely private. And she taught each of her children to be that way. But in the end, part of the grief I am feeling is that she was not able to talk to me woman to woman before she died. She kept saying, "baby, when we die, we die. I have given you all the teachings I have. Please don't cry, I am ok and you will be ok." She would get very upset if we cried around her. She would say "none of that, we have known this was coming."
But if I could have had the ideal words from her, they would have been something like this: " We have known that this time would come, but it does not take away how badly it hurts you. I am not afraid to die, but I am sorry to be leaving you. While I know you are strong and smart and resilient, I do not expect you to feel that way for some time. Feel what you feel. I forgive you for anything that you think you may have ever done to me. None of that matters. Know one thing: I love you and nothing in this world including my death will ever take away the fact that you are my baby and my heart. Be happy, live your life and never ever forget that love does not die. And on the days you need it most, sit quietly and listen to some of "our" music or go for a walk in the gardens we love, play in the rain, and know that from the day you were conceived I have loved you and that will not end. I am glad to have been your mother and I am proud that you are my daughter. Live and love. And never forget that you will never be alone, I am always going to be in your heart and you in mine. I love you for who you are and I am proud of the woman you have become. Now, let's just lie next to one another the way we did when you were a baby, because you will always always be my baby. Let's be quiet and lie here in the most perfect of places, heartbeat to heartbeat, the same love in two people. Do not mourn for too long, instead run out into life and spread the love and happiness that you have. Now, shh baby, let's just be together."
Anyway, that is just my own input, it sounds to me that you are doing things exactly right and I agree that the hospice people can help. As for me, you just helped me get something out I had not released in these past weeks. No matter how old you get, as long as your mom is alive, you are someone's child . I miss that so much.
Rosey, bless you on your journey and as we Irish say, may your love never die, but let it shine as a rainbow of joy in all the lives you have touched.
Caroline
You can let your husband and children know that if your suffering is great that wishing for you to be out of pain is not wrong..it is the right thing to do..
Rosey,God wish that all things go well with you and that you may be in Good Health (3 John 2).
Reading your message made me thought about my mum and ask how she can leave me without any pain? Then i said this is not possible for mum to die before her appointed time.My joy will only be after she's live all her life to the full without any premature death.
God has healed you already speak to the disease and see God do a miracle in your life (Exodus 15: 26) for God is your healer.
This is not how He intends for you to leave this world just as king Hezekiah did in 2Kings 20 i challenge you do the same and a miracle will spring forth. The manufracturer of your being know what to do to fix you up so believe that all, all, all things are POSSIBLE with God. My pray is with you. I see you overcome what report you have recieved in Jesus name. God bless you
God will take care of your family as he is taking care of you. I will keep you in my prayers.
I don't think you can prepare anyone for what they will experience and each person in the family will be different, but I would say since you have the chance leave them some things that you would like them to do for you when your gone. For example my sister died suddenly in July my biggest hurt has been not knowing if I'm doing things right for her. I help out w/ her 3 kids but there was not time for her to leave anything to tell us what she would of liked done. We planted a tree in her memory but where to plant it at her house at my mom's house, we didn't know the right spot? Maybe you could leave some of these things behind that you'd like done and they will get relief in their pain by carrying out your wishes. My thoughts are with you.