My boyfriend of 4 yrs ended his life on Oct 6th. He was battling with bipolar disorder and alcoholism. I feel such guilt, anger & pain. I know that I did everything possible to help him but there is always that what if. I find that loosing him is harder to deal with each day. I can't sleep, can't eat, all I seem to do is focus on his death and cry. The hardest part to accept is the fact that he was seeking help - taking medication however I am in disbelief that a physian would have prescribed sleeping pills for him in this situation. But I also understand no one forced him to take his life. I am alone, broken hearted and searching for peace. I turn it over to God everyday but I can't seem to stop the pain which is consuming my life.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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