Bereavement Support Group

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How do I go on

deleted_user
deleted_user
My boyfriend of 4 yrs ended his life on Oct 6th. He was battling with bipolar disorder and alcoholism. I feel such guilt, anger & pain. I know that I did everything possible to help him but there is always that what if. I find that loosing him is harder to deal with each day. I can't sleep, can't eat, all I seem to do is focus on his death and cry. The hardest part to accept is the fact that he was seeking help - taking medication however I am in disbelief that a physian would have prescribed sleeping pills for him in this situation. But I also understand no one forced him to take his life. I am alone, broken hearted and searching for peace. I turn it over to God everyday but I can't seem to stop the pain which is consuming my life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This happened such a short time ago, your grieving has just begun. I think that it is worse when someone you love makes the decision that he did. There is most likely noting you could have done. Being BiPolar myself, I have been at the edge many times. I have enough meds here to do a good job anytime, but I have a strong faith in God, and a wonderful loving husband who I would not want to put through that. I also have two grown children who don't need that kind of pain. SO, no matter how hard life gets, I just have to fight harder.
It is sad that he chose the path he did, and you will love him, miss him, and hurt for a very long time. I wish I had some magic to make it all go away, but I don't. Lean on whomever you have in your life, and if you feel you need professional help, by all means take advantage of it.
One day, you may be able to help someone to aviod this dark area of life that hits so many of us, and that is a gift that not too many people have. Huggs and prayers, Rainbowmama
eileenR
eileenR
I would suggest that you seek someone to talk to. you say you handle the sorrow and pain to God everyday. But if you are anything like me you keep taking it back from GOd. I mean, we like to have control. I am so sorry for the pain you feel and that he chose that way to end his life. Try and keep a journal this helped me alot. It is so early in the grief stage, so allow yourself to go through and try not to rush it, pretend that it is not there. GOd will bring you peace.
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