This will be my 3rd Christmas without my first born daughter. She was still born when I was 33 weeks pregnant. We found out her heart had stopped and the long wait to deliver her (2 days) was excruitiating. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. Each holiday, I feel it gets more difficult instead of getting better. I have since had 2 beautiful children. A girl and a boy. they are 18 months apart.
My son looks a lot like my daughter that was stillborn. I dread holidays. I dread birthdays. I replay over in my mind what could have happened, what I could have done differently, but the thing is that it couldn't be prevented. It was a cord accident. Even if I knew, by the time I would have hopped in the car and began driving to the hospital, she would have been gone. Only way it could have been prevented is if they were monitoring me in the hospital and had an emergency csection. But the pregnancy was great. I had a lot of morning sickness throughout the entire pregnancy but otherwise, she was growing and striving. She was perfect. And now she isn't here.
This is going to be the 3rd Christmas...I makes me sick. I am finally seeing a therapist. Who is great. I'm on medication now. Of course I'm out of work now because I was injured at work so I'm off until at least 2/1/18. Plenty of time to sit and think about things. I need to keep busy.
Anyone else have a stillbirth?
I've been pretty stable the last few months. I haven't had a depressive episode in months and no hypomania. My meds really seem to be working. I was substitute teacher last school year but I recently found a part time job as a paraprofessional and I am happy with a set schedule. I'm doing so well and I hope it continues. My kids see a huge change in me and are proud of how well I am doing.
My dad died several weeks ago. The death was quick, and he was elderly. My challenges are that I have several difficult memories of him. I am unable to share these memories with my loved ones. These were moments-in-time, and not a repetitive pattern. But, these moments-in-time made me distrust him. As a result, I was not close to him. During the funeral, I heard many people talk warmly about my...