I feel really selfish because I am feelings sorrier for myself than I am for the loss of my aunt. In the past few months she has received over $100,000 worth of mental health therapy and she did not want to get better. She fled to her house in Mexico and did as many drugs as she could until she died. She refused to work, to take her medication, to go to therapy. She wanted to die and she did just that. She died alone and her body decomposed for 3 days before someone found her. My mom, her sister, and my aunt's ex-boyfriend went to Mexico to claim her body and arrange for her remains to come to the states. I am angry that my mother had to see her body the way it was. Also, I am 8 months pregnant and I know that my mom's loss of her sister is going to upstage the impending arrival of my baby and it makes me so sad and angry that I can barely breathe. I hate my aunt for doing this to all of us, but I mostly hate how it affecting what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life. At the same time, I am hating myself for being so selfish. My mother has just lost her sister - how do I expect her to act? I feel like I would have dealt with this better if my aunt wasn't begging for death and if she hadn't done this intentionally. My other aunts and uncles were so angry at her before this and had collectively decided to let "nature take its course" - they knew that there was nothing any of us could do. Now they are all acting differently and treating my aunt like she was some sort of saint. I am completely disgusted and angry. Until I started writing I did not realize how strong all of these emotions are. I guess I need to speak to my husband, but I've been numb and distant since I've found out. I think I'm finally starting to deal with this. Does anyone have any advice on how to get past all of this anger I have?
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