Today 19yrs ago in 1989 I gave birth to my son. His birthday and I am sitting at his grave to see him. This is so damn wrong. I am not only incredibly heartbroken but I am angry too. This should NEVER have happened. I should be having a party around at his flat with all his friends laughing and carrying on. NOT on a messageboard telling the world that I miss my son. No one seems to care in my family anymore. It may nearly be 8 yrs since he died but Josh is still very much part of our family and everyone knows its his birthday today. My mother hasn't called my father hasn't called. My friends haven't called. WHY???? I don't understand why no one seems to care anymore. HE LIVED!!!!!!! he was a huge part of our family. He was the first grandchild. I won't stand for anyone telling me that they don't know what to say because like I said on Valentines Day it will be 8 looooooooong years. I feel so damn alone....so incredibly lonely. The tears don't want to stop. I'm a complete mess. HAPPY BIRTHDAY my "Rainbow Child" I miss you MELLONS and sooooooooooooooo wish I could hold you today. So with empty arms and a heavy heart I will blow out your candles and sing Happy Birthday to you and sit by myself and cry.
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